Dirty bird
A woman wanted a pet to keep her company at home while her husband was off at work and the children were in school. After some research, she decided a parrot would fit her needs nicely. It wouldn't be as much work as a dog or a cat, and it would be very interesting to hear it speak, but unfortunately they were quite expensive.
One day on a shopping trip she spotted a large, beautifully colored parrot and asked the owner of the store for the price of the bird. The owner said he let it go for $50. Delighted that such a rare and beautiful bird wasn't more expensive, she agreed to buy it.
Before accepting her money, the owner said, "I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a brothel. Sometimes it says some pretty.....well, embarrassing stuff." The woman was so attracted to the bird and the excellent price that she decided to buy it anyway.
When she got home she placed the bird's cage in her living room and waited patiently for it to say something. The bird studied his new surroundings, and his new owner, and finally said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a little taken at the implication of what she had just heard, but after a few minutes decided that it wasn't really all that bad.
When her two teenage daughters came in from school, the bird looked them over and said, "New house, new madam, new girls!" After their initial surprise was over, the girls joined their mother in laughter.
Shortly after 5:00 p.m. the woman's husband came home from work. The bird looked at him, the mother, and the girls and said, "New house, new madam, new girls -- Hi Sam!"
Dirty bird
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Dirty bird
by zan » Wed Mar 07, 2007 12:47 am
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zan - Leading Contributor
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by dinos » Wed Mar 07, 2007 4:35 pm
A drunk is driving with his parrot through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?"
"I've been to the pub," slurs the parrot and the drunk smiles.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few.
"He did all right," the parrot says and the drunk smiles.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the parrot. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
*********************************************************
A man brought his parrot to the office of a late-night talk show. Knowing that the show was always looking for offbeat guests, the man told the talent coordinator that the parrot is bilingual. "If you pull the blue string on his his left leg, he'll speak French".
"Pull the red string on his right leg, he'll speak English."
The coordinator said, "What happens if you pull both strings?"
The parrot says "I fall off my perch, you IDIOT!"
*********************************************************
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady! You're really ugly!" Furious, the lady stormed past the store to work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot again and it said to her, "Hey lady! You're really ugly!" She was incredibly ticked now.
The next day she walks past the same parrot again and it says to her, "Hey lady! You're really ugly!" The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said she would sue the store to get rid of the bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady!" She paused and said, "Yes?" The bird said, "You know."
"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?"
"I've been to the pub," slurs the parrot and the drunk smiles.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few.
"He did all right," the parrot says and the drunk smiles.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the parrot. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
*********************************************************
A man brought his parrot to the office of a late-night talk show. Knowing that the show was always looking for offbeat guests, the man told the talent coordinator that the parrot is bilingual. "If you pull the blue string on his his left leg, he'll speak French".
"Pull the red string on his right leg, he'll speak English."
The coordinator said, "What happens if you pull both strings?"
The parrot says "I fall off my perch, you IDIOT!"
*********************************************************
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady! You're really ugly!" Furious, the lady stormed past the store to work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot again and it said to her, "Hey lady! You're really ugly!" She was incredibly ticked now.
The next day she walks past the same parrot again and it says to her, "Hey lady! You're really ugly!" The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said she would sue the store to get rid of the bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady!" She paused and said, "Yes?" The bird said, "You know."
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dinos - Contributor
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