Cyprus-Forum.com

[sal]

Lots of Greek men I know that are married are actually happier and nicer towards their wives when they have a secret woman on the side. Without the secret woman these men treat their wives worse and there is generally a more hostile atmosphere in their family homes. I know its unthinkable for you women to accept that as a solution but it works whether you like it or not.

There was a really interesting article in a Sunday magazine written by a married lady who had an affair with another married man over the period of a year or two. She said in the article that she had never looked after her actual husband so well and he had never eaten so well as the time she was having these extra-marital relations. It was really bizarre but I did actually understand her reasoning in that as she was so happy elsewhere she was languishing around baking, mothering her husband and generally looking after herself well and her husband seemingly 'benefited' from this happy state of mind.

[reportfromcyprus]

If she had been found out, her husband would never have lived it down in this society. She'd be branded a tart and he'd have to leave her for the sake of his pride.

Double standards - because as GG points out - many men have secret women here.

[GG]

They're not so secret
There are marriages in the arab world, for instance, which are monogamous, even though their religion permits them more wives.

The 'secret' woman is really just a gesture of defiance, and a 'spare' to reassure the man that he's still attractive.

The bit about the arabs, my mate in Saudi says this is only the case when a man cannot afford 2 or more women. As we all know they are not cheap assets to have, the shoes and handbag habit alone is a fortune and they need the occasional food and water.

As for the 'secret' woman reassurance, that would mean only insecure men cheat which i do not think is the case. The only pattern that is apparent in cheating men is that they are all horny.

[reportfromcyprus]

And apparently, permanently dissatisfied.

[sal]

So the only men who cheat are the ones who's partners aren't 'putting out' enough?

[GG]

This is why I firmly believe that men and women should sleep around and have orgies and do everything possible as often as possible before they get married so at least its all out of their sytem. The people I know that did that are more content and appreciative of their partners. Thiose that maried young and innocent will usually at some point realise that that haven't 'lived' and start to do so then.

I was a night club manager in watford for 2 years and that lifestyle of women and booze seriously helped me get it all out of my system. I think all that will make me a better husband. Not perfect, just better.

[sal]

how old are you now GG?

[GG]

how old are you now GG?

27 last week.

People tell me its young but surely if I wanna have kids by age 30 now is the time to make my move.

How about you? age?

I assume you are female anyway.

[reportfromcyprus]

To a certain extent, but I'd like to point out a deeper layer to all this - everyone is searching for themselves, to find out who they are and define themselves. Even if the search is unconscious, it's always there.

Consider the idea that this search cannot end with marriage, as if marriage is the ultimate in self-definition.

It has to go deeper, and be more detailed, different. So marriage, if treated in a certain way, would help you become more of an individual rather than simply part of a couple.

Make any sense?

[sal]

I'm 28. Yes, you correctly assume I am female!

Why have you set yourself the time limit of 30 to have children and settle down? Surely it should just be when it feels right and the elements come together?

I used to think the same "oh, when I'm 30 I'll be at this stage or that stage and have x, y and z sorted" but then you realise that you can't map out your life like that. Sure it's nice to know what you want but you can't really plan for such. You could end up settling for something simply to fit in with your time frame!