I have written a letter to Fiji that I wanted to share with you. What I have been thinking, is that all the haunting was caused because of 'unfriendliness'. In other words, although I would never marry the woman, it is still important to maintain a friendship. It is important that the separation must be done nicely.
Especially these Fijians, you never know what kind of occult powers they might be using against me! So I think that the separation should have been done 'nicely'. When I think of all the tragedies, haunting, and sickness that happened to me ever since, it does seem like someone has been causing it.
When I think back, it wasn't done 'nicely'. The reason is, that firstly I was trying to be strict with her to try and make her lose weight, in case that would save the relationship. But not only that didn't work, the strictness also caused even more separation. I had been thinking, "OK good. If she won't fix it, then drive her away with strictness!"
Secondly, after leaving, I had no objection to supporting her and separating 'nicely'. But the devotee (Kamsari) who was helping me was no good at all. He told me not to give her anything, not even one cent. "She can go to hell!" he said. And when he was supposed to negotiate with her on my behalf, I don't think he did a very good job.
So now I think it should have been done more nicely, to at least maintain some friendship. Then all the tragedies, haunting, and sickness might not have occured.
So to heal the wounds now, I have written the following letter to our landlord who lives next door and helped with our marriage in Fiji:
Victor Epand (Vrindavan dasa)
658 Front St Ste 126A-7247
Lahaina, HI 96761
2006 April 14
Rakesh Ravin
Chandraiya Street, Lot 31
Nadera, Fiji
To Rakesh Ravin,
Haribol! All Glories to Srila Prabhupada! Please accept my humble obeisances!
Remember me? This is Victor Vrindavan dasa writing from Hawaii. I live here alone, and I am waiting to overcome illness but I will be OK soon, please do not worry.
The way things turned out during my visit to Fiji, I felt very isolated then, and had no one to talk to. As a result, there is a lot of misunderstanding that I still want to clear up.
Also, during that time, I feel that I never had a chance to discuss things with you, except for a brief phone call. So that is why I am writing this letter. Perhaps now that things have settled, you would be willing to help me to heal any wounds that were caused. My return address is on this letter, so if you write back, we can correspond by mail. Or if you have email, my address is _____
First of all, you should know that while I was in Fiji, I discussed with Visvanath, Jairam, Maharaj, and others so that they are aware of my dissatisfaction with the arrangement. Finally, the marriage was dissolved in court without divorce, because a marriage of less than 3 years like that is not legal -- we were not even living together.
I had not expected the sudden change in Sitarani dasi's weight, and thus I felt cheated. I would not have even considered someone that heavy for marriage if I had known. After trying strictly to correct her diet, I found it was not possible, and I was even accused by devotees of "not letting her eat"! The herbal weight loss pills seemed to make no difference. The stricter I got, the more angrier people got. I think that actually there was no problem at first. I remember we were happy, but when she suddenly gained weight, I could not tolerate it.
Before I left her, we had discussed it, so she knew I was leaving. Her parents came to visit, and I told her I would pay the rent for her after I leave, so that she can continue living there. She said it would be OK, because you and the neighbors were there to help. I did not mean to leave her stranded.
Later, I received shocking comments from people at the Temple, like "Sitarani left you because she did not know you were soooooo poor!"
It was painful to here remarks like that, because they were not true! In case you didn't know, I graduated with high grades from one of the best universities in the United States, Johns Hopkins University. The tuition there is over $10,000 USD per year. I graduated with a Bachelor of Sciences degree in Engineering, and if I choose to, I could be a professional engineer at any time earning somewhere from $40,000 to $80,000 USD per year. But even better than that, I was about to establish my own web programming business over the internet. I had not even started yet, because I could not get a phone line in Fiji and the internet cafe was noisy, but from my part-time hours I calculated that I was already earning the equivalent of $35,000 USD per year (full time). If I were to seriously take the business full-time, as I intend to do, my earnings would be higher than professional engineers, at least $75,000 USD per year. And I was able to do that right from Fiji over the internet! Personally, I found it very insulting to be accused of being 'poor'. That is far from the truth! And add to that, I also have a lot of savings that I can use if necessary!
I think a lot of the devotees don't have any idea at all about my income, they actually think I am poor! When Visvanath asked how much I earn, I said "A lot!", but I never told him exactly how much. I didn't think it was necessary for them to know, as I can make my own decisions and I would have declined someone who I felt wasn't good enough. It would seem almost proud to be boasting about income, as a method to attract a 'devotee wife'. But I was horrified to find that I had been fooled into a fat woman!
I have a past relationship that was very successful. My girlfriend’s name was Linda. Devotees who met her, like Arotik dasi, complimented her highly and once she wore Radha tilaka. Linda was very attractive and I could have married her. She was slender figured, and she had been a cheerleader in high school, and she had been an aerobics instructor. And what's more, she is from a native tribe in Belize, more primitive and native than even the darkest Fijians! I was privileged to meet some of her family, many of whom still visit Belize regularly, in downtown Los Angeles, California.
One time, I mentioned her to Visvanath, and he retorted "It didn't work out with her!" as if my experience with Linda doesn't count. But Visvanath has never met Linda, he doesn't even know! I replied to him, "Yes it did, I could have married her!" Even when I left Linda, we were still very close to each other and she told me "I will always be in your heart."
So I hate to boast by telling you all about Linda, as that is in the past now. But my point is only to emphasize that I would never choose anyone except the most beautiful woman. I have not been single all my life!
At first, when I told Sitarani that I was leaving, she was happy and said she agreed that was the best thing. But shortly before I left, she stole over $1000 from my wallet, accused me of 'muttering things to myself while I work', poked me in the nose calling me 'ugly', insulted my education, called my 'poor' and accused me of not giving her money, and a variety of other things too numerous and ridiculous to mention. I can understand her anger, as she felt insulted that I was leaving because of her weight problem. Yet I also felt hurt, as devotees should not be fighting amongst each other, and also that much of what she said was not true.
Just to clear things up, you should know that I absolutely do not mutter things while working. And I am not ugly, others have told me that I even look like "John Lennon". And my education is very good, I am thankful for that. And I am not 'poor'. And it is not true that I would not give her money, I even offered to pay the rent after I leave.
In any case, now the separation is over and I would like to heal some of the wounds. Can you talk to Sitarani dasi and her family and explain things better for me? I don't want anyone to think that I abandoned her or didn't support her, and so on. Perhaps we could even continue to be friends, although not married.
A couple of ideas that I have are:
1) I could communicate with them by mail if you give me an address, or if I send the letters for you to pass on to them.
2) I could send a gift, although I am not sure what would be appropriate.
3) If they are angry about something, I could try and explain it or make it up to them.
4) We could exchange blessings rather than curses.
Let me know your suggestions.
Hare Krishna,
Vrindavan dasa
Victor Epand
by mad-dog » Sat Mar 18, 2006 8:09 pm 
