Cyprus-Forum.com

[pumpernickle]

Ok people, ignore me at your peril. You are embarking upon a feeding session. A session where you feed your minds with the literary feast that is my vast intellect and foresight.

You will never witness such amazing feats of political ingenuity as pumpernickles posts. So shut the f*ck up and read what I have to say you incredulous oafs.

The Greeks and Turks in Cyprus need to be involved in a show called...

"I'm a trainee mechanic, get me off this abandoned airstrip and back to my cow town where I can flick worry beads and fart while playing backgammon!!!"

(God I hate the use of the exclaimation mark...but it's used in the real show, so for authenticity's sake...)

Ok, you know that fu**ed up abandoned airstrip in Nicosia with the bulet ridden plane in it (used to be Nic Airport or some sh1t)?

Well....

What a perfect opportunity!

You grab half a dozen Turk youngsters (the red team, they get to wear coloured bands and everything) and half a dozen bubble and squeak kids (the blue team naturally. They can hold white hankies in case they start crying)

The idea, is that you lock them in the barbed wired confines of the airport, and set a clock. Both teams have to work together to fix the plane, then choose a pilot and a co-pilot to take on the task of flying said sh1t heap to Larnaca airport down the road. (Come on, it aint that far, even a cypriot mechanic can do this).

Both teams have to work together, but they get awarded points for co-operation , friendliness, team work, ideas, skills, hard work, soppy wa*k like that.

At the end, a panel of swiss judges decides which team wins, and the runner up gets a bronze photo frame showing them and the mayor.

the rules. It's gotta be done in 48 hours

no cheating. that means leave your mobiles and friends at home

any fighting or bad behaviour, the UN (replaced with mercenaries of my choosing) shoot the awkward sods.

anyone trying to quite the area, again, my boys do a job on them

Harsh rules, but come on, a game is a game, you can't skank a bet like this, specially if the top prize is an all expenses paid jolly in Kyerenia's finest cabaret, meal included, plus 50 squids worth of chips on the blackjack table. (to cater for the finer of cypriot tastes).

So, long winded, but what you reckon?

oh yeah, tools and spare parts provided courtesy of UNCYP.

[Pontious]

hahahahaha

[bigfatlondonboy]

that would be cool ,they could show it on primetime bbc over here in blighty...

[pumpernickle]

to spice it up, the organiser (me) could have live feeds from all different angles, showing all the amusing engineering f**k ups as and when they happen.

viewers on couches, on tenterhooks waiting for the plane to be started up, taken down the runway, lifted off, and then ....disaster!

if you really wanted to make it tasteless and low brow like I'm a celebrity get me outta here, I suppose you could make the two teams mixed, with the women going in scantily clad in the midday summer cyprus sun, like those women in that Benny Benassi music video....chainsaws and welding tools at the ready....

but I think we need another 30 years for the more rampant tendencies of cypriot sexism to die down first. I think the ntion of "voting" is risque enough.

To make it really 'local' you could have sponsored 'Keo' breaks, and penalties for swearing involving the downing of Zivania and J&B....drink piloting. Cant get more Cypriot than that.

[TheCabbie]

Pumpernickle, that's some heavy shit you got in your bong...

[pumpernickle]

I wish.

well, I take it that from the resounding silence regarding my idea, all the television companies in cyprus are busy scrambling for the rights.

well, i'll sit back and wait with a beer for the phone call, ushering in a new era of pumpernickle millionairedom.

and all because my ideas are The Sh1t.

you heard it all here first.