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[Lordo]

Last one of the day. I have some work to do.

A priest and a nun were returning from the church convention when their car broke down. They had it towed to the local garage and faced the fact that they'd have to spend the night in a motel. There was only 1 motel in town and it only had 1 room available. So they had a problem.

'Sister ,' said the priest, 'I don't think the lord would mind, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the couch and you take the bed,'

'I think that would be ok,' said the nun.

They prepared for bed and each one took took their agreed place. 10 minutes later the sister said, 'Father, I'm terribly cold,'

'Ok,' said the priest, 'I'll get up n get you a blanket from the closet,'

Ten minutes later the nun said, 'Father I'm still terribly cold,'

'OK sister,' said the priest, ' I'll get up n get you another blanket,'

10 minutes later , the nun said, 'Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the lord would mind if we acted as man and wife for just this one night,'

'You're probably right,' said the priest , 'Get up and get your own damn blanket,'

[Pyrpolizer]

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.'

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They spreadsheeted
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards. How else were they going to do their mailmerge.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports .
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off..

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed..

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:


'It's gone! It's all GONE! 'I lost everything when the power went out!'
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate.
'Wait!' he screamed. 'That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?

God just shrugged and said,
JESUS SAVES....

Nice and clever.

[Lordo]

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.'

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They spreadsheeted
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards. How else were they going to do their mailmerge.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports .
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off..

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed..

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:


'It's gone! It's all GONE! 'I lost everything when the power went out!'
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate.
'Wait!' he screamed. 'That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?

God just shrugged and said,
JESUS SAVES....

Nice and clever.

This was for religious IT professionals.

[Lordo]

A panda is feeling horny so he decides to find a prostitute.

When its over the prostitute says that will be £20 please
the panda confused says...

What do you mean? the prostitute replies if you look up prostitute in the dictionary it says.. Performs sexual favours for money..

The panda says.. Yeah well if you look up panda in the dictionary you'll see it says..

Eats shoots and leaves.

[Lordo]

Why are married women heavier than single women?

Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.

Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

[Lordo]

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?

They already have boyfriends.

[repulsewarrior]

[repulsewarrior]

...it's just funny.

[Lordo]

...it's just funny.

Excellent

[Lordo]

I did this in the reverse and the girls at work loved so much they asked me to do it again.