by Tim Drayton » Thu Oct 08, 2015 5:40 pm
Well, it is getting close to bedtime for some of us and tempers are getting a bit frayed, so let’s have a little fairy story to calm us all down and get us ready for beddy bies.
Of course there is no God, but as I said, this is a fairy story so let’s just pretend there is.
The beginning.
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
OK, if we start from there, it is going to take a long time. Let’s just say that God created humans in his own image and loved them as if they were his own children. He gave them a lovely planet filled with every imaginable resource so that a large number of them could live there in peace and comfort for countless centuries. All they had to do was be decent to one another and get on. God went away and left them to get on with it. From time to time he had a look at what was going on, and was heartbroken every time. Somehow humans had always got it wrong and instead of living together in peace and harmony, they were always squabbling and spoiling things. God with his infinite patience would always intervene a little, try to get things on the right path and then left humans to get on with it again.
One time God found that a strange entity called the Soviet Union had come into existence. It was originally based on the idea of sharing and brotherliness, but was also devoutly Godless. A monster named Stalin took over at the helm of this entity and killed about twenty million people. A whole system of repressive instruments was created, including a security agency called the KGB which was responsible for wholesale torture and murder, repressed those who believed in God, and had mastered the skills of deception and misinformation. Within this organisation, a very evil man, a totally loyal servant of this cruel machine and an avowed atheist, ruthlessly climbed up through the ranks. This man is still alive, so let us give him an alias to protect him. Let us call him backward Nitup. Anyway, God took one look at this ghastly set up and saw to it that it came crashing down. Happy with his work, he went back to heaven.
Well, backward Nitup looked at what was going on. He rather liked being a somebody in the evil entity whose ranks he had so skilfully climbed and did not relish the thought of becoming a nobody. However, he sensed that Godless Communism had ended for good and knew that he would have to climb a new set of rungs. With the Godless Communists no longer at the helm, most people started returning to God. Backward Nitup did not share their conviction and deep down remained an atheist, but he was smart enough to realise that this was the new route to the top. So, he claimed overnight to have turned to religion. Of course, his long years’ experience of spreading misinformation and engaging in deception at the KGB made it easy for him to convince everyone that he had joined them in their return to God. Before he knew it, this had taken him to the top and he found himself the new Stalin.
Meanwhile, God took another look in on the world, and as ever was heartbroken. He saw conflict and disarray everywhere. He noticed that in place in particular there was great suffering. This place was called Syria, where there had been a long and cruel civil war that had turned the country into rubble and turned many of its citizens into refugees. God realised that these people needed a good break and would need plenty of money to ever be able to rebuild their country. So he decided to help them. He called in at a Syrian government office where there was a map of the country on the wall. He threw a dart at the map and decided to leave a huge deposit of oil at the place the dart hit. The dart fell on a place called the Golan Heights. Well, God once created the physical universe in seven days, so creating an oilfield did not take him long and he then went off again, safe in the knowledge that the Syrians would one day find this oil and their problems would be over.
Little did God know that he had used a Syrian government map showing all of the country’s territory under international law. Little did he know that there was a country called Israel, which was God fearing, but did not realise that God had created all of humanity, loved them all and wished them all to prosper and live in harmony. They mistakenly believed that they were God’s chosen people and were entitled to usurp any land they wished from their neighbours and make it their own. This was the case with the Golan Heights. In fact Israel had a per-capita GDP of over 36,000 dollars making it by far the richest country in the region and they were the last people to need this oil. Even so, they were clever and industrious people. It did not take them long to find this oil, but they remained a bit nervous because it was on territory that they had illegally usurped from their neighbour and, while they had no doubt that this was their God-given right, the rest of the world was not so sure about that and what they really needed was legitimate ownership. So they bided their time and kept quiet about the oil for the time being.
Meanwhile, backward Nitup was feeling quite pleased, having made himself the dictator of quite a large country. But something kept gnawing away inside him. He had annexed a bit of territory from Ukraine and made his country a bit bigger but he still wanted to achieve more and grab even more land. He wasn’t even motivated by some belief that he was the leader of God’s chosen people, because he did not actually believe in God. It was pure hubris and greed. Just at that moment, his old buddy Assad contacted him and said the time was right to act in his country of Syria and reinstall him as ruler. He promised backward Nitup a share of the action once he was back in charge. The latter reckoned that his armed forces were up to the task and decided to go ahead, always ready to get a stake anywhere he could.
One thing worried him. That was Israel. This was a rich and powerful country which would not let anything change in the neighbourhood without its say so. Thus, backward Nitup invited the leader of Israel to Moscow to run his plans past him. The leader of Israel sensed his chance. He said he would back the Russian intervention as long as he guaranteed to see to it that Syria would cede the Golan Heights to his country once he had attained influence there, thus securing the legitimacy he needed to exploit the huge oil reserves there.
It came to pass that backward Nitup agreed to this deal and so, yet again, God’s will, which was for these oil reserves to go to some of the poorest and most downtrodden people in the region, was foiled, and by a Godless atheist, and instead this massive wealth went to the people in the region who least needed or deserved it. So, some people lived happily ever after, but most did not. The end.
Is truth stranger than fiction, or is fiction stranger than truth?