Whereas [on the one hand] I am quite pleased to receive confirmation that my beards are so realistic that they can be mistaken for genuine, I am a little worried that the practise of tugging at the beards of strangers could result in some retaliatory actions [by the persons offended] and could escalate into confrontational violence on the streets.
Please be advised that I cannot accept any responsibility should any of you good folks [who may be wearing my product] suffer the same probing investigation, I would much prefer all wearers to wait until the disguise becomes an advantageous asset and would warn that, in this hot weather, it might be wiser to avoid wearing them until it cools down a little.
I hope the elderly chap [and his blonde bird] turn up in the morning, I am sure he would look quite dapper in a wig, beard and baggy trousers, not too sure about his glasses and sandals with white socks, I might be able to sell him a pair of "Carpet Slippers" and black socks, they would look far more fetching I think.
