Cyprus-Forum.com

[pumpernickle]

Friends, Cypriots, Countrymen, lend me your cauliflower ears...

As we edge closer to Christmas, or as the Turks will no doubt enjoy proclaiming...'Winter Solstace', I feel it appropriate to remind the forum of my brilliant idea to end tension and build lasting peace (not piece) in this wonderful Island of ours.

Seeing as, because my idea is so great and I am so awesome in the brain department, politicians will be crawling this thread with a fine tooth comb - with a view to finding a workable policy, I re-iterate the following.

1 - Grandmas, Old chaps who sit in chairs playing backgammon, cheeky kiddies in the streets, boarish youths in their souped-up Toyota Corollas and FTOs, all peoples from all walks of Cypriot life, must get together at the border come Christmas Eve, wearing football shirts, boots and a mean look. It's time to play football, people.

2 - the UN chooses one of its indolent apparatchiks from the Ledra Palace Hotel to be referee for the day's proceedings. Let's face it, doing one decent day's work in a year is hardly too much to ask, now is it?

3 - Best of 5, 5 teams of 11, each team is allocated an opposing team to play, and 90 minutes will be alloted per contest.

4 - this will require 5 football pitches. 2 in the occupied half, 2 in the greek half, and one on Nicosia Airport's landing strip. I recommend using trainers to play on this surface, oh , and avoid the bullet ridden Boeing, unless you want to use it to house spectators afraid of the rain.

The winning side gets a bunch of flowers, a kiss on the cheek from a kazakhstanian virgin, bearing gifts and a misappropriated smile, and peace shall reign once more, so help me God.

You may now all bow to my infinite knowledge with the temperence and awe I so deserve.

I aaaa'nk yaaaow.