Cyprus-Forum.com

[BirKibrisli]

I was talking (well,arguing) with my ex wife yesterday.She was proving your theory as well.Everything was my fault.she was the victim.God (in this case Allah) was on her side. She was only responding to my moves.She hurt more than I did.I was only trying to manipulate her.The only language I understood was the court.This all started because I will not give give my permission for her to take our son (6 years old) out of Australia.When I asked for her permission 6 months ago,she refused saying I couldn.t be trusted to bring him back. When I made the big mistake(!) of pointing that out,I was accused of twisting everything to suit my arguments.She was more trustworthy than I was anyway,so her refusal was only right,protecting the boy's interest.
Sometimes I think TCs and GCs are like a disputing couple.There is no place for logic,it is all emotional and irrational.It is all about getting even,not repairing damage done in the past.It is a running wound that is not allowed to heal.It is life threatening,almost terminal.May God forgive all our sins.Because we are killing our Country slowly.

Before I go on to say what I have to say I must tell you that I too have been divorced and know what you are going through.

I have used an analogy of a divorced couple before to make my point. I have found, with a lot of heartache, anger and fear that I will never see my daughter again that there is only one way out of such a situation. You as a father will have to sort out a life for your self first. I don’t mean forget your child in the meantime, you will have to juggle both. It was only when I got married again and bought a house and my new wife gave me children that my ex saw me as a reliable and responsible person good enough for her child. It was then that she realised that it was my daughter that was missing out with her brothers. No mother’s heart is strong enough to deny a child as long as the mother thinks that her child is safe. I am afraid I was not bright enough to master mind this though, I am just glad it happened.

Merhaba,Zan
You hit the nail on the head when you say I have to sort out my own life first.But the rest will depend on the kind of woman one's ex is.My ex will probably get jealous if I have other children with someone new,and become more uncooperative.I am not sure I have the energy to have more children (I am in my 50s)but a new relationship will definitely improve my own life.If what you say happens it will be a bonus.
I made a big mistake that seems to be very common with migrants who emmigrate in their teens.They play the field with foreign (mainly Anglo) women,and when they come to 45 they decide to marry one of their own!
They forget that they are not the same person any more,and "their own" is anything but.I hope others will learn from our mistakes."Your own" is the one you love.Irrespective of their ethnic origin.Don't ever give up on the one you love.The most important advice I can give anyone.Just pass it on,good advice is never useful to the giver (with apologies to Oscar Wilde).

[Softliner]

For Birkibrisli:

Your right in some ways. Maybe I have to tell what I think.

Cypezokyli is not exactly right with his opinion about my studies and the theorys about conflict. He is right about the content of his reply.

BUT: I seperate very strict between theory and reality. It sounds strange but the Cyprus Problem is just one example for a conflict, for me as a researcher. But for the most people in this forum it is THE CONFLICT of their life. That is the difference. There is allways a problem between talking and researching about a conflict and living with the conflict. That is why I think, that I do not have the right to write my complete opinion about it.

The reply of cypezokyli and the good example of Birkibrislis family problem is just the point! between talking and being involved. I am outside of the conflict. Just because of this I think, that their should be more realistic arguing and forgiveness.

As for my name: Softliner. I believe in soft forms of conflict resolutions. My studies shows me, that this should be a good (not the perfect) way to resolv a conflict.
In most conflicts today there is never a simple solution. There is no “they are wrong and we are right”. It is sometimes not even a question of justice or fairness. Conflicts are complex. Humans are complex. Something like the truth is not easy to see! Most of the time the truth is somewere between and a lot of people are right with thinking that they are right – but they are not the only ones.

Sometimes the simple question is: What am I willing to do (and to forgiv) to stop this conflict and begin with a new start?

Civil wars all over the world shows, that especially the ongoing fighting is the most desastrous situation for the people and the country itself. This coil of violence can be stoped by accepting a set of compromisses. On each side of the conflict.

In this way I believe in the future of Cyprus! I think there is a future. But it must cooperate with a general understanding of the other side. No human being is just aggressor; everybody feels pain, fear and wants security.

In science the situation on cyprus is sometimes compared with the situation of Germany 1990. I do not aggree with this comparing but I have a personal example of a (good?) way of dealing with the past and working for the future:
I was born in East Germany and my parents tried to escape with me and my brother. We were catched by the army. Me and my brother went to my grand parents for 1.5 years. My parents were send to prison for 1 year and later to West Germany as political refugees. We sons followed 1982. For the next years my family in East G. were under permanent observation. The state had a lot of people paid for information all over the country (and even in West G.) to observ all the “enemys” of the state.
After 1990 my parents got an letter, that they have the right to see their official state file about their monitoring. They refused to look at this file. They said that they do not want to talk and think about the past. In this files could be names of neighbors, friends and even family members who worked for the state.

But they refused because they wanted a good future and no more bad blood! I admire them for there brave dicision up to now…

Maybe that is the (only) possible way to start a new country all over again and to forget the past. In this way, there is a need for strong citizens who are able to jump over their own shadow. There is a need for changing the perception of the “other side”.

In the words of my religion: Who am I to judge?

Everybody on Cyprus should know that there are two possible solutions:
1. A seperated Cyprus with two parts which are more or less connected to their homelands.
2. A united Cyprus with a cypriot culture and citizenship; more than just greeks and turks on a seperate island.


Softliner


P.S. This forum is a very good opportunity to see and feel the personal backround of the conflict. Tis is a good chance for me to learn things that no book ever could teach me. Thanks for all the replys. BUT: Do not get it wrong and start things like “they are not able to do this and not willing to do that…” I would not like to read that.

[city]

Hi softliner,

I did not read through the whole thread, I just would like to point you to two interesting websites......

http://www.cypruspolls.org/

http://www.cyprus-conflict.net/

cheers, city

[cypezokyli]

hey softliner
i dont know if u got the pm. perhaps not, bc u r a new member. or is it just disabled when one wants to send? in any case what i wanted to say was : ich wohne auch in tuebingen

[Softliner]

Yeah, sorry, I got the pm. Ich habe auch schon deine Nummer (von Katrin) aber ich denke wir sehen uns morgen früh bei Nielebock...

[cypezokyli]

sometimes this world is stupidly / nicely small