went to the 'Brighton Races' with a view to try their luck,
The 'Schnorrer' mingled with the crowd in hope of hearing 'Tips'
and were they 'Whispered' (as many are) he'd practised reading 'Lips'.
The 'Schmendrick', being 'Stupid', thought he'd try a different tack,
he'd wager on an 'Each Way' bet and at least get something back.
The 'Schlemiel' was ALWAYS quite unlucky, he came up with a ruse,
if he didn't 'Bet' he could not win BUT, neither could he lose.
The 'Schmuck' was just a nasty cove, his method was well planned,
he'd watch a 'Winner' count his cash and grab it from his hand.
The horses were about to run, the starter sent them "Off !",
the 'Schmuck' then sidled up beside a well presented 'Toff'
He'd seen the 'Gent' place quite a sum at odds of 5 to 4,
and reckoned that if THIS horse won, he'd grab a tidy score.
The Schlemiel made excuses for his lack of 'Sporting Trait',
he told his friends he'd tried to bet BUT, was twenty seconds late.
The 'Schmendrick' placed his 'Each Way Bet' he felt his fingers 'Burn',
for even if his horse came first, a pittance he would earn.
The 'Schnorrer' heard a 'Whispered Tip' and sold it for 'Five Quid'
"If it wins, I'll be a 'Hero', if not, a grasping 'Yid' !"
The 'Toff's' horse won, a 'Grab' a 'Run', the 'Schmuck' took to his heels,
into the arms of 'The Heavy Mob' (I know just how he feels)
At 'Brighton' there are 'Minders' who watch out for 'Scams' and 'Schemes'
'Black Eyes' and 'Cuts and Bruises' soon replaced the poor 'Schmuck's' dreams.
The (Bookie) 'Ki Ki Prendergast' would offer THIS advice,
"If you come to 'Brighton' to cheat and 'Win', you'd be better thinking 'Twice'.
"Merry Christmas Folks".
