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[theodosia]

men prefer looks to brains because most men can see better then they can think

[theodosia]

A sociological study has verified that a womans' ultimate fantasy is having two men at once. In this fantasy, one man is cooking, the other is cleaning.

[theodosia]

what's the difference between a rottweiler and a mother-in-law? Eventually, the rottweiler lets go.

[theodosia]

what's the difference bewteen in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.

[theodosia]

A man met a wonderful woman and became engaged.
He arranged to have dinner with his mother that evening so she could meet his new fiancee.When he arrived at her home, he took three women- a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.His mother asked why he had brought three woman insteed of just one.He said he wanted to see if his mother could guess which woman was her future daugter-in-law. She looked at each one carefully and then replied 'it's the redhead'
how did you work it out so quickly? he asked.
'because,; she replied, I can't stand her.'

[theodosia]

What's the difference between lying to the taxman and lying to your wife?
If you get caught, the taxman still wants to screw you.

[theodosia]

What's the differance between a tart and a bitch?
A tart will sleep with anyone.
A bitch will sleep with anyone except you.

[theodosia]

What's the difference between a woman with PMT
and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

[barouti]

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."


If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.


Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.

It's called a Wedding Cake.


Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.


In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.


Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.


How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.


What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

A woman who won't do what she's told.


I married a Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was Always.



Why do men fart more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

[theodosia]

When god had finished creating the universe he realised he had two things left to over to divide between Adam and Eve. One, he explained, was an implement that would allow its owner to pee standing up. Adam was thrilled, and begged that he be allowed to have it.
Eve smiled graciously and told god that if Adam wanted it so badly, he should have it. So god gave it to Adam, who immediately went off and excitedly peed up against a tree, and drew a patten in the sand. And god saw that it was good.
God then turned to Eve.' Well, here's the other thing',
He said,'
I guess you can have it'.
'Thanks', replied Eve.' What is it called'? God smiled back as he answered, 'Multiple orgasms'.