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[devil]

All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy,
painless removal. The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now....
Wax!!

My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home; fix
dinner;
played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully
in
my mind for the next few hours; "Maybe I should pull the wax out of
the
medicine cabinet?"

So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of
those
cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips
together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart,
press
it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off! No mess,
no
fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm no girly, girl, but am
mechanically
inclined enough that I can figure it out.

*YA THINK!!!*

So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each
other,
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the
hairdryer
and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax my rear end (Oh, how this
phrase
haunts me!).
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and
pull.
OK... So it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do
this!!! Hair removal no longer eludes me!! I am She-Ra, fighter of
all
wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire!!

With my next wax strip, I move "north". After checking on the kids, I
sneak
back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I
drop
my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side
of the
bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down
to the
inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip). I inhale deeply
and
brace myself....

RRRRIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!

I'm Blind!!!!! Blinded from pain!!!!!!... OH DEAR GOD !!!!!!!!!!!

Im making noises that only dogs can hear ..

Vision slowly returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off
half of
the strip. S**T!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP...

Everything is swirly and spotted . I cannot breath or speak - I have
forgotten how ..

Do I hear crashing drums?????

Wait a few minutes and I'm back to normal (nearly) After all this I
want to
see my trophy !!! - A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt that has
caused
me so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is
my
triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it!
Where is the hair?? WHERE IS THE WAX? Slowly I ease my head down,
foot
still perched on the toilet. I see the hair... The hair that should be
on
the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. S**T!!! I run my fingers over
the
most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and
matted
hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake . . . . . . .

Remember, my foot is still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to
do
something, so I put my foot down.

DAMN!!! I hear the slamming of the cell door.

Vagina? Sealed shut!

Butt?? Sealed shut!!!

I penguin walk around the bathroom, trying to figure out what to do
and
think to myself, "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head
may pop
off."

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can
stand
into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax
should
melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??

WRONG!!!!

I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than then that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse that having your nether businesses glued
together
is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub.
In scalding hot water!! (Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax) So,
now
I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!!! God bless the man what convinced
me I
should have a phone in the bathroom!!! I call my friend, thinking
surely
she's waxed before and has come secret of how to get me undone. It's a
very
good conversation starter, "So my butt and who-ha
are stuck to the bottom of the tub!

There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick, but does try
to
hide the laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is
located.

"Are we talking buttock cheek or is it covering - you know -
Everywhere(cringe factor 20000 at this point) ?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the
rundown and
she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH
RIGHT!!!!!!
I should be the 'butt' of someone else's work-night jokes.

While we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off
with
a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered
in
hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water, and then dry
shaving the sticky wax off!!!

By now, the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I
slip
into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me and my
hand
reaches towards the saving grace...The lotion they give you to remove
the
excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point. I rub some on and OH MY
GOD!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids, scared the dickens out of
my
friend, but I really don't care!!

"IT WORKS!! IT WORKS!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend
and
she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then
notice, to my grief and despair...

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE... ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I shaved it off. Heck, I'm numb at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair colour . . . . . . .

[nasos007]

with great respect to the 36 lost souls in the German zeppelin LZ 129 Hindenburg on May 6, 1937, which caught fire.

It's burning and it's crashing! It's crashing, terrible! [sic] Oh, my! Get out of the way, please! It's burning, bursting into flames and is falling on the mooring mast, and all the folks between... oh, this is terrible. This is one of the worst catastrophes in the world! … It's a terrific crash, ladies and gentlemen, it's smoke and it's flames, now, and the frame is crashing to the ground, not quite to the mooring mast…Oh, the humanity, and all the passengers screaming around here!

Somehow I think it applies to this case...

n

PS i'd forget dyeing the hair... Ammonia and peroxide are quite dangerous.

[dms007]

why do women go thorugh so much trouble for hair!
it is just hair, why don't they just shave it off or just let it grow?

[Zaynah]

is this your life story


better get a new hobby

[chica]

Oh my god, I had tears in my eyes I was laughing so hard!! That was the best story I have ever read, and certainly cheered up a rather dull shift at work!! Haaaaaaaaa haaaaaaa