Dear Greek brothers: You, too, may borrow our prime minister
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
A couple of days after I wrote the column “Dear Arab brothers: Yes, you may borrow our prime minister!” (Sept. 15, 2011), an Arab columnist volunteered to accept the offer. Sadly, no Arab country has yet formally applied, probably because no one has yet dared do so since Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdoğan is in so much demand globally. Most recently, Mr. Erdoğan’s charismatic picture appeared on Time magazine’s cover page, with the title: “Erdoğan’s Way;” a better title could have been “Erdoğan’s way, or the highway.”
It’s not just the Americans that have recently rediscovered Mr. Erdoğan’s political virtues – although there is probably a missing link between the role model he will presumably play for the future generations of Arab politicians and the historic fact that Turks usually don’t play any role model for Arabs (or Persians). But that rediscovery will probably be replaced by another rediscovery; this time, Mr. Erdoğan’s neo-Ottoman-self when the unpredictable zigzagging called Turkish foreign policy soon begins to feature a non-Western posture.
But now we have the Greeks queuing up! A reader (Greek or not) recently posted on an article in these pages, concisely encapsulating the desire for a new savior: “Today Greece needs a decisive Erdoğan…!” (Greece’s mission impossible by Nikos Konstandaras, Hürriyet Daily News, Nov. 17, 2011).
Like everyone else living in this part of the world, I am aware of the “situation in Greece,” to put it mildly. But, dear Greek brothers, are you sure???!!! We, your neighbors across the most beautiful sea in the world, would certainly make every sacrifice to help you overcome the crisis with a decisive leader. But, again, are you sure?
First, you must be prepared to pay 20 euros instead of 6-7 euros for a karafaki of ouzo at an ouzeri, and make ends meet with a generous minimum wage of 260 euros a month, or the equivalent of 23 karafakia of ouzo. Speaking of ouzeria, be prepared, also, to have your outdoor tables removed since drinking outside may disturb non-drinkers. And remember to save 1.68 euros per liter of gasoline in case you need to drive to the coast.
Needless to say, a decisive leader like Mr. Erdoğan will save you from the unpleasant labor of perpetually going on strikes since public workers won’t have a right to do so. And the anarchist in you must be put to sleep for your best interests if you don’t wish to be labeled as a “dissident” and be put in jail only to wait there for over 1,000 days for your first court hearing. Student protestors must especially give up this unnecessary habit if they do not wish to be beaten and jailed, waiting for 19 months to stand trial. In particular, try not to demand free education, which may cost you a detention of 19 months plus your enrollment at university. Even carrying eggs in pockets may earn you a fancy visit to the nearest police station where you can be subjected to various terms of endearment, and treated like a terrorist caught with a Kalashnikov.
An Erdoğan for Greece is not the best of news for Greek colleagues, assuming they wouldn’t choose to be jailed for books that haven’t even been published yet or to meet with a source when that source may be on the government’s witch-hunt list.
But Mr. Erdoğan may be wonderful news for Greek women who would prefer to be housewives giving birth to at least three children. But watch out for any amorous adventures since the decisive Mr. Erdoğan thinks adultery must be punished with a prison sentence.
I am particularly worried about the lovely people of the island of Ikaria who are widely known for their sweet (OK, not always so sweet), laid-back attitude, thinking about the recent decision by one of Mr. Erdogan’s many watchdog committees to ban the publication of a humor magazine on the grounds that “it encouraged laziness.”
But remember, dear Greek brothers, the special offer I made in my Sept. 15 article is still valid: If you take Mr. Erdogan, we’ll give Foreign Minister Ahmet Davutoğlu for free!Enjoy your new savior, and may peace be upon you!
http://www.hurriyetdailynews.com/n.php?n=dear-greek-brothers-you-too-may-borrow-our-prime-minister-2011-11-22
