Cyprus-Forum.com

[kurupetos]

MY God, I've just lost £1000.00

I can't figure out the purpose of the decimal.

[Schnauzer]

MY God, I've just lost £1000.00

I can't figure out the purpose of the decimal.

It could have been much worse, the Yank could have lost £1000.01.................

[kurupetos]

MY God, I've just lost £1000.00

I can't figure out the purpose of the decimal.

It could have been much worse, the Yank could have lost £1000.01.................

Oh!

[Schnauzer]

Come to think of it, the Yank DID lose his money on account of a 'Single Digit'...........(a finger)

[kurupetos]

Excellent work S.

Millions of fortuneless constipated forumers have found relief in your writings.

[Schnauzer]

In common with 'The Foreign Legion' where one's name becomes secondary to the importance of one being accepted as a 'Legionnaire' and the honours and advantages inherent to such a new adaption of oneself, so it is with membership of 'The Brotherhood' of the 'Gentlemen of the Road', (No questions asked).

It is incumbent upon every member to select their own "Nom de Plume" and from the day of selection, the REAL identity of the new member is of no further consequence since the 'Past' has metaphorically gone.

Such principles DO serve (if observed correctly) to 'Level the playing field' and offer the new member the opportunity to re-establish the personal identity AND, more importantly, to discard any negative traits that life in general had imposed upon them 'Prior' to being accepted as a 'Brother', (Once in, never out).

Thus, as is quite common among members, a little humour is often introduced into the carefree selection of one's "Nom de Plume" and ALL save 'Jimmy Light', exist neath the cover of their newly found identities.

Titus A'canarde's-Derriere, the fallen (rather the 'Black Sheep') offspring of his 'French Aristocratic' family, insisted upon adopting his rather 'High Tone' double barrelled "Nom de Plume" since his upbringing had SO affected him, he felt he should at least be allowed to indulge his memories of the past whilst ignoring it.

Unfortunately, by selecting such a "Nom de Plume" (intending to attach a little humour to it) the dear chap quite unwittingly burdened himself with something of a 'Double Whammy' (to go with his 'Double Barrel') since he immediately became known as 'Tight Arse' among ALL the existing members who had difficulty in pronouncing his adopted identity, he thus became something of an 'Enigma' and is the only member to have achieved the distinction of having a 'Nickname' for his "Nom de Plume"

Titus is as good as his nickname suggests if one allows that a 'Skinflint' (one who is careful with money) is often tagged with the title of 'Tight Arse' , for THIS chap is EXTRA careful and the fact that he IS, first attracted the attention of Isaac Koch whom, up to the time of Titus' acceptance as a member and 'Elder' (which distinction was granted immediately due to his 'Bearing') was deemed to be the 'Tight' one simply because Isaac is of 'Jewish' origin and it is considered fashionable to associate 'Jews' with meanness.

And so to the point of such an elaborate introduction, Isaac DID approach Titus with a suggestion which was contrary to the 'Code of Conduct' and which WOULD also have been mentioned at the 'Easter Fair', had not these recent revelations been brought to the forefront of Isaac's initial misdemeanour BUT, Titus' story has little to do with 'Money', Isaac was aware of Titus' obvious 'Air of Superiority' and considered it a sign that HE (Titus) should hold a higher position of authority and thus sought to ingratiate himself to Titus hoping that, in the event of a shuffling of power in the 'Brotherhood', perhaps HE would receive some elevation on account of the fact that HE suggested the possibility of a 'Takeover'.

"It was quite clear" said Titus A'canarde's Derriere "That Isaac Koch's 'Raison D'etre', or even if you prefer, his 'Raison de Vivre', was to infiltrate the leadership of our 'Brotherhood, cause disruption among members AND, possibly raise HIS standing among us ALL!" (and I do apologise for the 'French' interjections, they are So commonly used, particularly by the French).

When Jimmy Light heard these words, he slammed the table with his fist and sprang up in such a fury that the 'Elders' were shocked into a stunned silence "EENUFF !"said Jimmy "This Geezer is bang aht of awder, 'e will 'ave ta be sawted aht an' I wanna call a full meetin' of the Fawty membah's of 'Eldah's' right ?"

And so it will be.... the seriousness of the situation is such that the 'Forty 'Elders' of 'The Brotherhood' who are representatives of the 'Forty Nations' which (by association) ARE 'The Brotherhood, must now gather and sit in judgement of Isaac Koch, for THIS latest revelation is THE most serious of all.

Hopefully, Isaac Koch will not survive whatever 'Malady' he now suffers from (if any) for SURELY, if found to be guilty of this latest charge, 'Capital Judgement' will be the only punishment fitting the crime.

The writer will be away for the next couple of days (probably shivering whilst strapped up some tree in the region of 'Minehead' or thereabouts, done it before and will probably do it again, Best Wishes, Schnauzer. X

[Schnauzer]

The Capture of 'Illusive Isaac' (The Scared Pimpernel).

This morning at about 7 0'clock, a message was received by one of the 'Elders' from one of the lesser members, that Isaac Koch was spotted in a newsagent's shop in the vicinity of Wood Green's shopping complex, he had apparently been reading a copy of 'The Jewish Chronicle' whilst standing in a corner within the shop and drew attention to himself by attempting to leave without buying anything, a common enough practise in the 'Newspaper Business' BUT, the proprietor of THIS establishment took umbrage to the fact that Isaac had helped himself to a few chocolate peanuts whilst perusing the Chronicle.

Not being content with merely remonstrating, the proprietor delivered a swift kick in the backside of Isaac Koch and immediately became the subject (in the mind of Isaac Koch) of a possible 'Law-suit'.

Nearby stood a person suitably garbed as 'Santa Claus' (a lesser member of 'The Brotherhood') who advised Issac that such actions as the proprietor had taken were quite just and that Isaac should depart with some alacrity since there were others, less considerate than himself, who were currently searching for him.

Truer words were seldom spoken since, at that very moment, another lesser member was close by, he was also aware of the fact that Isaac was being sought after AND, he had also heard of the misconduct which encouraged the search, thus, he contacted the 'Elder' who was overseer to 'Wood Green' and the response from 'Tik Al Matookas' (the Elder') was to immediately dispatch a group of lesser members to the scene.

Isaac Koch was STILL arguing about the possibilities of capitalising on the incident when he was roughly surrounded by those 'Brothers' that he had so often apparently dishonoured, he was 'Frogmarched' hastily to a waiting van, dumped in the back unceremoniously and transported to a 'Semi-Basement' apartment in the 'Crouch End' area where he now remains, tied hand and foot like the scoundrel he has proven himself (solely by his latest misdemeanour) to be..............In effect, 'Hog Tied' and perfectly appropriate.

The 'Forty Elders' are to assemble on Friday, it will not be necessary for them to hear of all the nasty and unacceptable events which preceded Isaac's capture, they will (of course) rely upon the 'Integrity' of those who have a sound knowledge of his past activities and will judge accordingly.

There are still one or two incidents to be reported on 'Prior' to Isaac Koch being given the opportunity to offer his defence, meanwhile, 'Belly-ache' or not, he will remain in close captivity until such time as he is summoned before the full assembly of 'The Forty Elders' to give an account of his behaviour, the outcome of which will be most seriously influential on both the 'Judgement' and the 'Punishment' meted to him.

[Schnauzer]

It would appear that there is a reason for why Isaac chose to hide in the 'Wood Green' area, he had made certain 'Friends' outside of 'The Brotherhood' fully aware that the association of such persons would NOT under any circumstances be welcome among them, for these 'Friends' were professional 'Thieves' and as such would be frowned upon by members at ALL levels.

Some time ago, a 'Music Shop' was broken into and several musical instruments were stolen which (in the area of 'Wood Green' and surrounding locations) would be easily disposed of among the locals.

Isaac Koch, fully aware of the source of certain of the stolen articles, approached both 'Bolas de Pinas' (The Argentinian) and 'Feliz Cahones' (The Spaniard) with a proposal which (initially) seemed quite a 'Brotherly' one since the inference of his proposal was a useful and helpful one.

He indicated that he was in a position to acquire 4 Guitars, 2 Violins, a Piano Accordion and several small Vamp Harmonicas at a very reasonable price, he knew that the two 'Elders' mentioned above were expert Guitarists and that they would be most willing to pass on their expertise to any of the lesser members who would wish to learn to strum a few chords, after all (quoth Isaac) "They can earn good money 'Busking' in the underground stations or on the streets", Isaac also knew that 'Sinjama Ghoulies' (The Pole) was well schooled and a competent Violinist and that there were several other lesser members who could blow a tune on a mouthorgan.

The 'Plan' was, that 'The Brotherhood' should purchase the said instruments and 'Teach' any member who wished to avail themselves of the opportunity to 'Learn.

The 'Elders' (or others competent to 'Teach) would be only too pleased to engage in this scheme but alas, when news of the 'Theft' appeared in the 'Local Newspaper', Isaac Koch was questioned by the Police and denied all knowledge of any such musical instruments, which placed 'The Brotherhood' in an awkward position since 'Tik Al Matookas' had mentioned the proposed 'Scheme' to a local 'Magistrate' who had quite naturally passed on the information to the Police.

So you see, Isaac Koch HAD indeed attempted to corrupt and disrupt 'The Brotherhood' in pursuit of his own personal gains, furthermore, he had in many ways discredited the 'Honour Code' that exists among them, it will be very interesting to discover just what kind of defence he will counter his accusers with, perhaps he will admit his faults (doubtful) or even throw himself to the mercy of his 'Judges' (a serious mistake) in the hope that there may be a glimmer of 'Pity' among those whom he sought to destroy.

Poor Isaac, his ordeal will soon be over (now that he is captured) for the 'Elders of the Forty Nations' will assuredly deal swiftly and efficiently if he is found to be at fault.

I would not like to be in HIS boots, (or kurupetos' socks if it comes to that).

[Schnauzer]

"The Holy Gathering"

And I do NOT refer to the 'Boil on the Archbishop's backside'

In the 'Hall of Justice' the seating is arranged in a particular fashion and is in accordance with certain 'Traditions' favoured by 'The Brotherhood' which emphasize their beliefs in 'Tridecaphobia', together with the influence of 'Magic' upon the envisaged proceedings.

"The Bull's Head" (and the 'Trap' which I now set in anticipation of springing later).

The front row of seats are arranged in a pronounced inwardly curved fashion and will accommodate the main 'Thirteen Elders' (all those who have revealed their contact with 'Isaac Koch', minus 'Mustafa J'Arfa' who is discredited since he is known to have taken bribes, plus 'Jimmy Light' who occupies centre seat ).

Such an arrangement satisfies the 'Superstitious' traits of 'The Brotherhood'

Behind the front row, the seats are placed in three rows of NINE, the first row set wider apart than the next, the second row slightly closer to each other and the rear row quite close which presents a view that simulates the famous 'Bull's Head' battle formation of the 'Zulu Warriors'.

"The Body of the BULL"

The significance of the rows of NINE being that the number NINE is considered to be the harbinger of many 'Magical' qualities ( a mathematical 'Enigma' in many instances).

The three rows of NINE and the THIRTEEN in the front row are the 'Formal Representation' of that which is referred to in 'The Brotherhood' as 'The Forty Nations'.

There are so many added incidents of 'Bribery, Corruption and Dishonesty' levelled against 'Isaac Koch', it has been decided that a full discussion of them must take place before his 'Trial' can commence, it has even been suggested that, subject to the amount of evidence against him, 'Isaac' may wish to address the 'Forty Nations' directly and give an account of his unacceptable behaviour, thus my friends, I am unable to advance any further information at this time other than to state that 'The Trap' which I have set, may well be sprung before the 'Bull's Head' formation has the opportunity to encircle it's apparent 'Foe' and suitably deal with the 'Negativity' of the influences imposed upon 'The Brotherhood' by the scoundrel Isaac Koch.

Hopefully, we will not have to wait too long.

[kurupetos]

I can wait mate. No prob.