Once upon a time on and Island, far, far away, safe from law and order, a haven for unscrupulous developers, there lived a monster called Albert Panacea. Albert was a clever monster; he used the services of Ratty, a greedy salesman and The Sherriff of Nothing to sell his Horrible Holiday Homes. Many, many innocent folk were drawn into buying Albert’s Horrible Holiday Homes; they were given wonderful deals from the loan shark Arnie Brown, who told them they could have the earth if they signed on the dotted line.
However, not alls well that ends well. Albert received so many sacks of pennies that he forgot that the pennies were for the building, and instead bought lots of castles and nice things to build up his property portfolio.
Several years later, having spent all his pennies, Albert decided that the innocent folk should give him some more pennies for their Horrible Holiday Homes. BUT, there was a problem, the Horrible Holiday Homes were not finished and Albert had no more pennies to finish them.
Albert sat and thought. Thought some more and BINGO!! the answer was plain and clear. Albert decided to make up some extra expenses and tell the innocent folk that they had to pay these extra costs before they can have their Horrible Holiday Homes. Albert threatened the innocent folk that he would have some of his homo erectus henchmen travel all the way from far, far away Island to middle earth and take all their possessions, steal their children and rape their wives etc.
The innocent folk decide to stand up to Albert and proclamations were put about offering rewards for hero’s to fight against the evil Albert. All and sundry applied to be one of the hero’s. Saviours from the deep south with foreign accents came,
Bounty hunters came with their gruff promises and large expenses, then left for new bounties. There was one apprentice hero, the Wicked Witch of the East, who promised the earth and offered a Jihad against the evil Albert and his merchants. Even Ratty, who had taken the pennies from innocent folk, joined in, and seeing the gleam of pennies, told lots of porky’s and convinced innocent folk to give him more pennies so he could help them.
The innocent folk went here, they went there, confused and scared and lost. Gradually the wicked witch threw some spells and enticed many innocent folk to throw pennies in her crock-pot in return for a special spell. This was no ordinary special spell; this spell offered the innocent folk their pennies back from the merchants that sold the Horrible Holiday Homes in the first place. Revenge!!! Pennies flew and the wicked witch cackled, and cackled. The wicked witch became more powerful, and became a full hero.
One day the innocent folk asked the wicked witch what the spell had done for their money. The wicked witch had to reply, the spell had not worked and there were no pennies from the merchants, the merchants had just laughed at her.
The Wicked Witch looked about for an answer that would make her innocent folk happy and stop them revolting. If she could put a spell on the other hero’s, and take all their pennies too, this would make her more powerful and maybe she could take on the evil Albert.
The other hero’s were afraid of the wicked witches spells and instead of suffering the special spell torture, they offered to join her gang and combine their merchant abilities to combat evil Albert.
Meanwhile the evil Albert was increasing his campaign funds by asking Arnie Brown to lend him even more pennies: he now owed Arnie Brown so many pennies that the far, far away Island was starting to sink at one end with the weight of all that loot. Arnie was worried that if he didn’t give Evil Albert more to balance the Island, they would Capsize and all would be lost.
In the next episode of Evil Albert’s Holiday Homes
What will the wicked witch do to combat evil Albert?
Will Ratty and The Sherriff of Nothing really be of any use to the wicked witch?
Will the Island sink or will Arnie Brown save the day??
Will the innocent folk find their shining knight to save them??
Nice one! Keep it coming!
