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Advice about writing.

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Advice about writing.

Postby fig head » Tue Mar 30, 2010 6:50 am

so as you all know English isnt my 1st language, now im writng a book

its a sci fi book , or its a rather long story.

i allready piblished 1st and 2nd part of it on my blog i will copy and paste it here and i want your opinion. please.

___________________________________________________________
part one


in the fall of 1880 people called him insane, people were no longer interested in what he says, they were better off speaking the easy words and believing what their eyes can clearly see.

he was intelligent yet he was lonely.

he saw the world from a very analizing eyes, he saw the world as an equation,

in his own world it was all about him and the sounds in his head.

the sounds thought of the un-thinkable, the sounds believed in things a man`s mind is too simple to understand.

and he rebeled on his own mind, he refused to take a part in such thoughts,

and he was losing his mind how can his own thoughts fight his sanity..!

the man was called Dr. William Blackwell

Dr.Blackwell was a man who helped who was in need for help,

when he was young he studied phylosophy, modern medicens and for as long as he lived he researched the human mind.

he was in love with understanding the relation between human mind and the every day to day events, the reason why some people wake up with a smile on their faces in the morning and some people hated to get out of bed,

he even tried to understand love, why did he fall in love with the most pretty woman in the whole rich society he lived in!

why this one woman was able to make him the happiest man alive yet the same woman broke his heart and left him, he went beyond the traditional

reasons behind love, he wanted to know why do you love some people and not other people, he believed all his answers inside the human brain.

after Dr. Blackwell`s wife left him he suffered a pain that had no place in his body , he suffered a pain who he thoughts coming from his soul, he analized the changes in his own feelings, from hopefull, happy to sour and guilty,

guilty for the crime of being him, guilty of being the man he is, the man who drove his beloved wife away, the man who didnt have enough time to express his love to her instead of just feeling her love, he loved this woman, he lived his best years with this woman, thins woman loved him and his world was perfect when the woman of his life delivered the most beautiful baby girl any man would ever see, he adored those blonde curles that makes his baby girl hair brighter than the sun its self, he remembers when she was 1st born she had lots of golden hair and this is why he cald her Goldie.

now, his wife is happy with another man who go to work and come back home to be just hers, to give her all the time she needed, and he was only guelty of being a man who seek knowlege,

he is able to see his Goldie when ever he can ie. when ever he can find the time to leave his lab and books, yet he loved Goldie like he never loved before.

Dr. Blackwell disappeared from social events completly in 1875 , he no longer had any interest in people, in life, he was completly into his new book that was a secret, he refused to talk about his book, he refused to talk about what is he doing, he refused to let anyone into his lab, even the maid he made it clear to her that he shall not accept any excuses from anyone to inter his lab, the maid was the only person that saw him since 1875, she was the only live thing in this big house who had no one living under its roof,

and the maid was too scared to sneak a look into whats inside his lab, the voices she hears at nights, Dr.Blackwell, screams of pain that filled the house every midnight, his own voice speaking to him self, shouting , breaking and smaching stuff, no one dared to look behind that always closed door of his lab, Dr.Blackwell made sure that no one will ever be able to break into his lab, he built walls behind every window in his big lab, the only way to get in or our was through one door that he had about 7 locks on ity and only he had the keys.

here was no more news about Dr.Blackwell, as if he died, he had no friends to visit, his family had made it clear he isnt welcome back as a part of the family unless he decide to burn down his lab and books in order to gain his old self back, they wanted back the loveble man who gets everyone dazed as soon as he speaks, they wanted his old charm back, but what they didnt understand that the knowlege he found was greater than to destroy , he believed that what he is working on will change the lifes of many yet he didnt speak about it.

even his own family got fed up with him, and he made t clear to them he wont give up on his work and then he choosed to live alone for his work, since then it had been about 5 years no one heard of him, there is no news about him, he even stopped seeing his Goldie.

The only one person he ever made any contact with was his maid, who for some reason feared him yet respected him, and for unknown reason to her she did and will do anything for this man, she made sure he gets what he wants, she was more than just a maid , she was the house keeper, the cooker, the cleaner, she was everything in the house and for that Dr.Blackwell trusted her with his own life yet never trusted her neither anyone else with his lab.

the maid had seen him changing, he was very handsome man an inviting smile, he was the man who got the most pretty woman around to fall in love with him, the maid was there all along fron the beganing, she saw how his love for books had taken him away from his wife and Goldie, she saw how he got day by day to look like a stranger who didnt belong to the world, she saw his hear getting longer and longer, she saw every day details and she knew why he looked like an insane man, she wouldnt blame people for calling him insane, anyone would see how he looked like now would swear he is insane, the way he spoke very fast without making sense, the way he was always in harry, the way he looked to the little things or stared in a face of a stranger for a long time. yet she knew he was greater than most of epople she ever saw, she had this feeling about him that he is a man torn apart by his own mind and she pettied him, she felt his pain and his lone;iness, she wished she can talk to him about whats ilenating him from others but she never forgot that she was just a maid and her thoughts are no importance to anyone with no exeptions, she then choosed to be quite, and do her job and keep what she sees to her self.

yet, being all alone for years Dr. Blackwell knew he had friends and family but considered them as must be away from so he or his thoughts wont be able to hurt them or their feelings, though there was this one man who appeared out of no where, he didnt live in this side of the city, no one had ever remembered seeing him, and for the 1st time in 5 years Dr.Black was walking in the street in the company of this man, he looked happy, they both looked happy, they both had the same charming smile, the stranger was a little bit taller and skinnier than Dr.Blackwell, people stopped in the streets wondering what happen to the world, what did they missed, here he was Dr.Blackwell well shaved and cleaned, he looked like the man they new, he spokin to everyone he met in a very respectble voice, not shaky not fast, he spoking very clearly, people were amazed, everyone was staring in silent to Dr.Blackwell and his friend, then Dr.Blackwell and his stranger went back to his house while all the eyes on them with a questions popping out of their eyes.

to be continu.
_____________________________________________________________
part 2

Who Is he.?

--------------------------------------------------------------

Life went back to what normal represent for Dr. Blackwell,

he went out every morning with a smile on his face, he gave up on being on his lap 24 hours witch made his family welcome him back as their loving son,

there wasnt much going on after those years that Dr.Blackwell was a strange man for the people that knew him , everyone forgot all about that and even some people thought the man havent completely lost his mind yet.

part 1. spring.

it was a lovely worm morning when Lezzy "Dr.Blackwell ex-wife" woke up Goldie and dressed her up , "come on sweet heart, daddy is coming over to have breakfast with you , and some tea and may be if you like daddy can take you to the park." said Lezzy

"mommy, is daddy feeling better now! he wont go mad as aunti Rachel said? i dont want him to go away mommy i miss him" said Goldie

"no honey pie, daddy wont go away, c`mon then someone have a long day playing in the park" said Lezzy then she kissed Goldies forehead while getting her ready she thought as mush as she loved William as mush as she is not regreting leaving him, she found out she dont know him, she never did, he was a man of secrecy or he just one day become this man she didnt knew or understand,

he was such a perfect lover, sweet, charming and just the %100 gentelman type that will break any beautiful lady`s heart, also he was very smart, smarter than everyone she had ever met, he uses this big complecated words, he read books that held no interest to her, she thinks he did lose his mind those few years he disappeared in his lap but it have nothing to do with sceince, she believed he lost his mind because he lost his faith, she remembers how it all started, when he decided to research human mind as he said, he lost his faith in god, he stopped going to the church, he said things that upsets god, she doesnt know what happen to him or why did he have that too much anger towards god, he said god isnt true and god is an idea !! he said he found proof that god is our creation to hold on and have hope that human will be saved by god! and to be honest she totally thought he was witched, and she feared other people to think he should burn on a stick as all those bewitched human who lost their poor soul to the devil..

she even thought that the devil had stolen her husband`s soul and that explained to her why he suddenlly changed and became another man.

she didnt understand what he said about how can science dicoveries change the world and how he will play a role in the world , he said that he believes we live in so many worlds we just dont know it, and she left him to his madness, her heart was broken, but there was no way she can manage to live with his insanity , she feared what changed him and stole his soul might haunt her. she to him was ignorent like all the people that lived in their little city, may be he thought he was god ! may be knowledge is bad thing cause sure he only lost his sanity when he played the scientest! he prefered his books on his family and she prefered her family than his books it wasnt a hard equation to sove they both had to go different ways and be happy so she did. and she is happy with her man, he isnt anything special, not as handsome or charming as William neither smart as him, he just is a family man and she loved that, well she learned that time heal wounds and she accepted her new life and now she is as surprised for the unexpected come back of William as others are but she learnt to accept things and she is welcoming him back as a friend or as a family, he is family after all.

"mommy, would daddys friend go to the park with us? i like him , he is funny and he makes me laugh" Goldie said,

Goldies question snapped her out of her thoughts.

"may be honey, you know what daddy says, he says Peter is a good friend of him and as daddy wish we are welcoming him as a family, so he will come out with you and daddy if he likes" Lezzy said hiding her disliking to this guy that came out of no where!

another thing in William life that she isnt allowed to understand, thius man Peter gets her angry, she doesnt know anything about where he comes from or how did he become William best friend and where did they meet! she cant even guess witch part of the country he comes from, he is the weirdest man she ever met or heard about !

Peter walks funny, he doesnt walk like a proper gentelman, he doesnt know how to ride horses and his accent is just plain strange.

The door bell rang and snap her out of her thoughts again,

the maid opened the door and she went to welcome her guests,

"good morning darling" said Blackwell

"morning Lezzy" said Peter

Lezzy looked in disgust to peter , how dare he just call her Lezzy and how un-polite he is to say morning no good morning , who he thinks she is ! a maid !.

with a fake smile on her face, she looked back at them and said" Good morning Gentelmen, would you like some tea"

"oh yes please, your tea tastes really good Lezzy, way much better than tea leavs bags" said Peter

tea leaves bags !! she never heard about them but she managed to smile back and says "you can drink as much of my tea as you like" then she led both men to the back garden.

"so, William what are your plans now, are you going back to work in your family business, i hear that your father can get you your job back at the bank, that would be good dear" said Lezzy

"may be, im not quite sure yet, i have other plans on hold( giving Peter a galance) i think i will take my time to decide what is best to do my dear" said William

"what about you Peter, are you staying here or you will go back to where you came from. i dont see what can you do here beside enjoying the company of William"

that was rude but she didnt mind saying it.

"we are working on something now Lezzy, William is being such a good friend and a helpfull partner to me"

"what is it you working on together, i dont see you doing any thing" Lezzy said

in the same rude tune she used, Peter answered her" im afraid i cant tell you this, William made it clear not to talk about what we working on unless we finished"

finally Goldie had came running down the stairs and raced her way to her daddy and jumbed on him while he catched her.

"good morning daddy, its a beautiful day and im happy i will spend it with you" Goldie said

"my beautiful Goldie im happier than you are to be with you" William said then printed a worm kiss in her forehead.

"Peter, Peter good morning would you teach me one of your magic tricks, please please" Goldie said

standing up , holding her tiny hands and swinging her of the floor ., playing with her as 5 years old boy Peter said in his funny accent " oh yea, im gonna teach you one of my tricks only if we raced in the park and you won!, if i won i get to hear a story from you. do we have a deal"

suddenl they clapped their hands and said high five !! "deal" Goldie said

and they got up and walked away to start their day.

she got up and greeted them goodbye in a manner of the lady she is.

part2 Peter disappear.

to be continued
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Postby CBBB » Tue Mar 30, 2010 7:23 am

Booker Prize material!!!!
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Re: Advice about writing.

Postby Kikapu » Tue Mar 30, 2010 11:06 am

fig head wrote:so as you all know English isnt my 1st language, now im writng a book

its a sci fi book , or its a rather long story.

i allready piblished 1st and 2nd part of it on my blog i will copy and paste it here and i want your opinion. please.

___________________________________________________________
part one


in the fall of 1880 people called him insane, people were no longer interested in what he says, they were better off speaking the easy words and believing what their eyes can clearly see.


He's name is "INSAN", not Insane.! :wink: :lol:
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Postby fig head » Tue Mar 30, 2010 11:32 am

I'm writing a sci fi story and I'm not USing my 1st language!! Ifyou wanna take the puss go head I really don't care but I do need some advice on writing cause my grammar is out of this world also I wanna know if you like it or not
I just finished part 3 and published it on my blog BTW the name of my story is "inside the mind of a machine" I want your honest opinion and give me ideas please! If anyone interested I'll copy and paste it part3 here.!!!
I had writing short stories in arabic and it was published in one of the most famous newspapers! Yet it's easy to write in Arabic and it's a challenge to me to write story in English specially that I didn't do any long stories before . So if someone wanna help me it will be very much appreciated!
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Postby kafenes » Tue Mar 30, 2010 11:57 am

Fig, I think the best way to do it is to write it in Arabic and get a professional translater to translate it. It will be so much easier for you to concentrate on your ideas rather then your English. Good luck.
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Postby Kangarooster » Tue Mar 30, 2010 12:09 pm

fig head wrote:I'm writing a sci fi story and I'm not USing my 1st language!! Ifyou wanna take the puss go head I really don't care but I do need some advice on writing cause my grammar is out of this world also I wanna know if you like it or not
I just finished part 3 and published it on my blog BTW the name of my story is "inside the mind of a machine" I want your honest opinion and give me ideas please! If anyone interested I'll copy and paste it part3 here.!!!
I had writing short stories in arabic and it was published in one of the most famous newspapers! Yet it's easy to write in Arabic and it's a challenge to me to write story in English specially that I didn't do any long stories before . So if someone wanna help me it will be very much appreciated!


I could help you a lot :) I'm very much into the sci-fi genre and i could suggest some books to read or movies to watch that would help you with your writting, give you ideas, see how these glorious writters express themselves.

P.S.: What's your first language then? :o
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Postby Beer Belly » Tue Mar 30, 2010 1:10 pm

kafenes wrote:Fig, I think the best way to do it is to write it in Arabic and get a professional translater to translate it. It will be so much easier for you to concentrate on your ideas rather then your English. Good luck.


That could get a bit expensive.

Google has a translate facility, why not try that?
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Re: Advice about writing.

Postby Get Real! » Tue Mar 30, 2010 2:26 pm

fig head wrote:part2 Peter disappear.

The suspense is killing me! When will they all disappear? :?
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Postby Get Real! » Tue Mar 30, 2010 2:29 pm

fig head wrote:Ifyou wanna take the puss go head I really don't care...

I think you should continue writing these occult stories the way you're going... they're perfect! :lol:
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Postby fig head » Tue Mar 30, 2010 3:06 pm

Ax I hate Phone typing!! It's bad enough the spelling mistakes I make when I'm using my laptop
But because I'm at work I use my phone and believe me with nails it's almost possible to get it right,
Oh well!!
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