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[Londoner2k9]

Turkey plans to divert UK Thames River to Turkey


Turkish Army chief of Staff was on the telephone screaming at a CIA officer in CIA Head Quarters in America and was asking to talk to CIA Chief. The officer wrote note on a piece of paper and passed it to the Chief. For security reasons, in CIA headquarters they only communicate by writing on pieces of paper, which burnt immediately. When the chief opened the piece of paper to read the note, he saw a message like this: ‘Sir the Jack Ass is on line.’ ‘Jack Ass’ is a CIA code for Turkish Army chief of staff.

When the chief took the telephone, he heard Turkish Army chief of staff was angry and was shouting. He was blaming Americans for not providing information against PKK terrorists as agreed between America and Turkey to cooperate against PKK. To calm him down, the chief told him he had already got some new information and would pass it to Turkish Military intelligence service soon. After that he made this note: ‘Fabricate any information about Invisible Knights and pass it to the Mules’ and gave it to one of his aids. ‘Invisible Knights’ is a CIA code for PKK. ‘Mules’ is a CIA code for Turkish Military Intelligence Service.

Immediately, the aid telephoned Turkish Military Intelligence service and informed them a bout CIA discovery of a very dangerous PKK terrorist hiding in UK in a place near M6 motorway. Within 24 hours a team of Turkish commandos in disguise landed in UK to kidnap him. When they mixed with the locals, they surprised a lot and didn’t believe what they saw. They saw the way of living of the locals was exactly the sort of the way of living, which Kurds want in Turkish-occupied North Kurdistan. They thought these people must be Kurds; free Kurds. They thought these free Kurds represented a serious threat against the unity of Turkish Republic and some thing ought to be done against them.



They contacted Turkish Army Headquarters asking permission to give these free Kurds the same medicine, which given to Kurds in Turkey. They got permission to harass these free Kurds psychologically but not to destroy their homes to make them homeless. The commandoes asked permission at least to destroy the homes of these free Kurds near M6 Motorway. The answer came back like this: “Never!!! These free Kurds are not like the Kurds at home. These free Kurds have a strong military force, includes atomic bombs, air force ‘RAF’ and a strong navy. At home our one million-man army with the support of Nato and America can only fight Kurds and their PKK. If you hurt one of these free Kurds or destroy a small piece of their property the RAF will flattens Istanbul and Ankara on our head.”

The commandoes gave up the idea of using force against the free Kurds. Before they prepared to go to M6, they sent back this information: “These free Kurds have a big river called Thames River. Turkish Republic should study the feasibility to divert it to Turkey when we become stronger than these free Kurds”. As they combed M6 motorway, they put on the top of each hill this sign: “Happy is who says I am a Turk”. This is a phrase coined by Kemal Ataturk. It is a message used against Kurds and put everywhere especially on high places against Kurdish villages and town in Turkish-occupied North Kurdistan. Kemal Ataturk is the founder of the modern Turkey and the creator of Turkish homosexual revolution. They reached to the end of M6 but couldn’t find the place, where the PKK terrorist was hiding. They informed Turkish Army head quarters about it. Again Turkish Army Chief of staff was on line blaming CIA chief for providing wrong information. He reminded CIA Chief that Turkey had already helped and trained Sadir militia and the men of Saddam Hussein and warned that unless America complied Turkey would also help Al-Qaeda and would finance and arm all parties operating against Iraqi people and Americans in Iraq.


The chief tried to reason with him not to use blackmail tactics but didn’t work. Finally he lost his temper and shouted: ‘Piss off, you miserable descendant of Mongolian bare-footed desert nomad stinking camel f**kers. Why don’t you go back to Mongolian desert to hunt desert rats like your forefathers did thousands of years ago? Don’t you know whom are you talking to? An American, not a helpless Kurd. If not for us to protect your backside, PKK will get you like a piece of cake. We are not going to protect you from them anymore. You are better to escape with your life to Greece to ask for asylum. Remember, we needed you only during cold war and cold war is gone. So you can not blackmail us, the same way you blackmailed us when you occupied Cyprus on 1974, Put that in your thick head”.

He was horrified and wetted himself for hearing what CIA chief told him. He started crying and made 1001 excuses to apologise. He begged not to be left for the mercy of PKK because if they got him they would hang him and pin the sign: “Happy is a Turk hanging under the gallows” on his chest. He insisted that Turkish people were the only true USA ally and all of them were always ready to die for USA anytime. To prove that he reminded the CIA chief when Turkish People offered themselves by their own free choice to be ready to be cooked alive to help USA. This is during Cuban nuclear crisis of 1960s when Turkey allowed USA to station nuclear missiles directed against Russia in Turkey. Had the crisis not neutralised and a nuclear confrontation taken place, Russia would have first targeted Turkey with thousands of nuclear missiles. This would have cooked every Turk alive.

The Chief softened his words and started to make fun of him. He said: “Look commander; M6 motorway doesn’t mean exactly M6 motorway, it also means M3 motorway twice or M2 + M1 + M3. Let your commandos know that. Tell them to try M1 six times, if they didn't find the place, let them to try M2 three times.....' he was interrupted by Turkish Army chief of staff'”

“Sorry chief. I apologise. This is my fault. Silly me. Why I didn’t think like that before. Thank you I got the idea. Good bye” Turkish Army chief of Staff replied when he interrupted CIA chief.

“Blimey, we have insulted Jack Ass for code naming him Jack Ass.” CIA Chief whispered to himself as he put the telephone down.

[DT.]