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[Noddy]

• I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
• A hard-on does not count as personal growth.
• This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
• Do I look like a fricking people person?
• I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
• If I throw a stick, will you leave?
• If I want to hear the patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
• Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
• See no evil, hear no evil, and date no evil.
• Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
• What ever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
• I am doing my best to imagine you with a personality.
• Okay, okay I take it back. Un-Fuck you!
• Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
• Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
• And which dwarf are you?
• How do I set a laser printer to stun?
• It's not the size that counts, it's the, umm, actually it is the size
Women keywords and their meaning

1. FINE

This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about
but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will
cause you to have one of those arguments.

2. FIVE MINUTES

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
football game is going to last before you take out the rubbish, so I
feel that it's an even trade.

3. NOTHING

This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually
used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out,
upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will
last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".


4. GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over
"Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

5. GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)

This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will
get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing"
and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot
at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you over "Nothing".

7. SOFT SIGH

Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few
things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is
to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

8. OH

This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that".
Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night". If she says "Oh"
before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that
she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not
expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence
usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get
out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so
unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.

9. THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man.
"That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you
retributions for what ever it is that you have done.
"That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with
a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has
plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

10. PLEASE DO

This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to
come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is
that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful
and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

11. THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.

12. THANKS A LOT

This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when
she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in
some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to
ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".

And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

[Oracle]

Oh! Sigh!

.... Fine!

Thanks a Lot ......