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[LENA]

> > Lesson 1:
> >
> > A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
> > finishing up her
> > shower, when the doorbell rings.
> >
> > The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs
> > downstairs.
> >
> > When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door
> > neighbour.
> >
> > Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you
> > $800 to drop that towel.'
> >
> >
> > After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
> > stands naked in
> > front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and
> > leaves.
> >
> >
> > The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
> > upstairs.
> >
> > When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who
> > was that?'
> >
> > 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
> >
> > 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything
> > about the $800 he owes me?'
> >
> >
> >
> > Moral of the story:
> >
> > If you share critical information pertaining to credit and
> > risk with your
> > shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
> > avoidable
> > exposure.
> >
> >
> >
> > Lesson 2:
> >
> >
> > A priest offered a Nun a lift.
> >
> > She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal
> > a leg.
> >
> > The priest nearly had an accident.
> >
> > After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up
> > her leg.
> >
> > The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
> >
> > The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let
> > his hand slide up
> > her leg again.
> > The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm
> > 129?'
> >
> > The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is
> > weak.'
> >
> > Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on
> > her way.
> >
> > On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up
> > Psalm 129. It
> > said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
> > glory.'
> >
> > Moral of the story:
> > If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a
> > great
> > opportunity.
> >
> >
> >
> > Lesson 3:
> >
> > A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are
> > walking to lunch
> > when they find an antique oil lamp.
> >
> > They rub it and a Genie comes out.
> > The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one
> > wish.'
> > 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I
> > want to be in the Bahamas ,
> > driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
> > Puff! She's gone.
> >
> > 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want
> > to be in Hawaii , relaxing
> > on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply
> > of Pina Coladas
> > and the love of my life.'
> >
> > Puff! He's gone.
> >
> > 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
> >
> > The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office
> > after lunch.'
> >
> >
> > Moral of the story:
> > Always let your boss have the first say.
> >
> > Lesson 4
> >
> >
> > An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
> >
> > A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also
> > sit like you and do
> > nothing?'
> > The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
> >
> > So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and
> > rested. All of a
> > sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
> >
> > Moral of the story:
> > To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very,
> > very high up.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Lesson 5
> >
> > A turkey was chatting with a bull.
> >
> > 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that
> > tree' sighed the turkey,
> > 'but I haven't got the energy.'
> > 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
> > droppings?' replied the bull.
> > They're packed with nutrients.'
> >
> > The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually
> > gave him enough
> > str ength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
> >
> > The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
> > second branch.
> >
> > Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly
> > perched at the top of
> > the tree.
> >
> > He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of
> > the tree.
> >
> >
> > Moral of the story:
> > Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep
> > you there..
> >
> >
> >
> > Lesson 6
> >
> > A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so
> > cold the bird froze
> > and fell to the ground into a large field.
> >
> > While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some
> > dung on him.
> >
> > As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he
> > began to realize
> > how warm he was.
> >
> > The dung was actually thawing him out!
> >
> > He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for
> > joy.
> > A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
> > investigate.
> >
> > Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the
> > pile of cow dung,
> > and promptly dug him out and ate him.
> >
> >
> > Morals of the story:
> > (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
> >
> > (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
> > friend.
> >
> > (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
> >
> > your mouth shut!
> >
> >
> > THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE