Nicosia Calling: Eurovision null points 
By Nathan Morley
I don’t mind admitting that I used to hold riotous Eurovision parties every year at my house. In fairness, it was really an excuse for a booze-up, but we were always captivated by the great sense of camp fun and the occasional musical treat that Eurovision offered.
But the fun has given way to frustration. In the past few years the contest has become so political that I won't be bothering with the parties again.
Eurovision is the only musical event I can think of that appears to be completely uninfluenced by music or pop culture.
Sadly, I have come to the conclusion that every single song in this dire spectacle is dreadful - not just this year, but for the past decade or so. It would seem that the 750 million people that make up Europe are no longer capable of writing a tune that lingers in the brain for more than a minute.
Regardless of that, you can bet that come next Saturday, Eurovision fever will have reached our shores. In the North, most of the population gathers around TV sets to root for the Turkish entry. In the South, Greek Cypriots spur on their own singer, while feverishly voting for Greece via SMS text. It’s an age old tradition which has become mind-numbingly boring.
Failed efforts The European Broadcasting Union's (EBU) efforts to attract more viewers and brush off the dismal image of Eurovision seem to have failed miserably, even to a certain extent here in Cyprus. There has hardly been any talk of the competition this year - on either side of the green line. Normally you hear the entry songs blasting from radio and TV sets across
the island, but not anymore. There is no doubt in my mind that the EBU is responsible for the wholesale destruction of this once great competition, which is now nothing more than an expensive annual fiasco. Eurovision, or ‘A Song for Europe’ as it is now known, is in the dying throes of existence and should either be given an urgent kiss of life or be put out to pasture. Mention the Eurovision Song Contest to the average punter and they will think of Abba, Buck’s Fizz or Celine Dion. Ask the same punter who won the contest last year or two years ago and chances are they will have absolutely no idea. After a string of abysmal Eurovision Song Contests, laden with blatant tactical voting, forgettable songs and dire presentation, I have decided to forgo next week's show and spend the evening online, reading ex-pats' moaning on message boards about how Cyprus is nothing like ‘blighty’. The neighbour-for-neighbour voting from tiny eastern bloc countries has passed the mildly amusing stage, and the EBU - the organisation that arranges the contest - is in very serious danger of losing more viewers and even participants, if they don’t sort the problem out soon.
Moore: Success nothing to do with performance
Tim Moore, the author of Nul Points, a book about Eurovision losers, told the Daily Telegraph last year that the contest no longer had anything to do with the quality of the performances. "Maybe you should go back to a jury system because it's not a poll on the songs any more - it's very political, and more like a poll on how many aunties you happen to have in Montenegro," he said. Moore is right. This mess could be put right quickly. Simply bring back the juries in every country and let them do what they do best – judge the music.
Even a spokeswoman for bookmakers William Hill admitted: "With so much friendly voting going on, it will be a good few years before Britain gets a chance of winning again."
As it stands, Ireland, who have been the most successful nation since the contest began in 1956, are obviously trying to send a very blunt message to the show's organisers - this year they have decided to enter a plastic Turkey. For those of you, who are still excited at the prospect of the four-hour spectacular, look out for the former refuse collector Andy Abraham who will represent the UK. Having once worked in the garbage trade he should feel at home at the Eurovision Song Contest.
The 2008 Eurovision Song Contest final will be held in Belgrade on Saturday 24th May and will be broadcast at 21:00 [9.00pm] on TRT 1 and BBC Prime on satellite.
(There are two semi-finals on 20th and 22nd May, which can be seen live online at
www.esctoday.com)
) and I also liked the old geezers from Denmark who won a few years ago.
