A glossary of Turkish political terms
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
I gather there is a general confusion over the most important terms and concepts in Turkish politics. I hope my homemade glossary could help a little bit
BURAK BEKDİL
I gather there is a general confusion over the most important terms and concepts in Turkish politics. I hope my homemade glossary could help a little bit.We often argue, column-to-column, face-to-face, message-to-message, on various contentious issues surrounding the never-boring Turkish political affairs, indeed without agreeing on a common terminology. In the hope of making a modest contribution to our future arguments, here is an introductory glossary of Turkish political terms:
Anti-Americanism: A state of mental delirium of which Islamists and nationalists accuse each other. In fact both accusations are true, for different reasons.
Anti-Semitism: see anti-Americanism.
Bribe: A de facto “halal” earning that allows politicians and bureaucrats to live on their modest salaries without any dishonest income. A major means of redistribution of income.
Conservatism: A political doctrine in which a politician defends existing evils as opposed to Liberalism, in which a politician would wish to replace them with the new ones.
Conciliation: A parliamentary session at which government and opposition MPs discuss their salaries and other benefits.
Constituents: A long queue of people waiting in front of MP's office rooms for jobs, business contracts and other favors in return for their votes in the next election.
Corruption: An infidel slandering against honestly Muslim Turks. A western attempt to weaken the integrity of the world's most honest nation. Also a banking coincidence of erroneous wire transfer into a bigwig's account coupled with a government contract for the sender.
Coup d'etat: A state of undemocratic rule the Turks hate but give 92 percent consent.
Cyprus: A Mediterranean island that is considered as a province of Turkey by the Turks. Possibly one of the few common denominators uniting all different ideologies in the Turkish political spectrum.
Demagoguery: Whatever a rival politician says.
Dishonesty: A prerequisite to political success.
Election: The only day in a span of four years that the average Turk believes he is an important man. A sine-qua-non for the subsequent public deception.
Election pledges: A grandiose public deception which, in the corporate world, would have led to multi-billion dollar compensation cases.
EU, the: Jobs with fat salaries for most of our “enlightened” nation; the instigator of Project Sevres Version 21st century” for the nationalists; a full motor insurance for motorist Recep Tayyip Erdoğan in case his car crashed into a tank.
Free speech: Tolerance, as long as the speech fits into the ruling ideology. An attack on “our moral values” when it does not.
Honesty: An imaginary condition voters tend to believe exists in politics.
Hypocrisy: (see politics) Muslim hypocrisy: Islamic banking. Jewish hypocrisy: Shabbat elevator.
Infidel: Anyone who practices Islam less observantly than you.
Innocence: The state or condition of a politician before he becomes a full-fledged politician. If this unwanted case persists, the person disappears from the political scene.
Intention: Mostly the opposite of what a politician says he intends.
Islamism: Overt abstinence of alcohol and pork, semi-overt desire to see an increase in the number of observant Muslims, and a covert desire to see the whole world converting to Islam. Judicial coup d'etat: The chief public prosecutor attempting to ban the ruling party.
Judicial perfection: The Constitutional Court removing the political ban of Recep Tayyip Erdoğan.
Judiciary: The institution most Turks think is corrupt. These days the institution secular Turks tend to trust.
Kemalism: An ideology a quarter of Turks militantly defend, half of them are indifferent to and another quarter hate.
Liberalism: A nice political doctrine used as a weapon to defend the rights of fellow ideologues. Just like a Windows application, liberalism disappears into the background when at stake is an opponent ideology, its symbols or the rights of its defenders.
Muslim democrats: The imaginary tag former and present Islamists use to look pretty to their western supporters and to avoid clashes with the secular military.
National view: The “illegal shirt” Recep Tayyip Erdoğan once wore, then said he took off, but was recently prosecuted for secretly putting it on at his home.
Nationalism: Shooting in the air and killing your neighbor's six-year-old child after a national football victory.
Nation's will: The most often-repeated concept for the winner of an election. A democratic carte blanche for undemocratic rule.
Nepotism: Appointing the village imam as head of a hospital in Istanbul, or your 80-year-old aunt as head of the Football Association. Formerly, appointing a junior banker as minister for economy.
Packs of food: (also sacks of coal) Principal instrument to garner votes.
Politics: The patriotic art of mass deception to satisfy any feeling of power fetish often disguised as heroism.
Opinion polls: Principal instruments for political manipulation. Ironically, some may prove to be accurate.
Parliament: A sacrosanct house that gives legal immunity to its tenants who follow their private agendas disguised as representing the nation.
Poetry: A literary discipline which may put a future prime minister in gaol. In the 1970s it meant a ban and prison for a script that read: “We shall walk hand in hand / and always forward…”
President: The job that allows Islamist politicians to use their “religious-meters” in electing someone for the presumably apolitical position. Job qualifications in 2007 included a wife with the turban.
Secularism: The always-nervous retired woman who shouts at her cleaning lady because she had voted for the AKP.
Social democracy: In the past, contracts to businessmen from a selected sect of Islam; today, political isolationism.
Sultan: The person the Turks often think is their prime minister.
Traitor: Anyone who thinks different than you in matters of national ethos.
Turban: (what if … is a political symbol) The jewel of 21st century Turkish political semiotics. An excuse seculars and Islamists love to justify their wars which, without the turban, also would have broken out.
USA, the: The country all Turks say they hate but would pack up and immigrate to within 15 minutes if given the chance.
http://www.turkishdailynews.com.tr/article.php?enewsid=101915
Now that's funny but I don't think the turks have monopoly on all these
