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[LENA]

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and
> are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
> now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm
> while these exchanges were actually taking place.
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
> ____________________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> WITNESS: I forget.
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
> forgot?
> _____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
> morning?
> WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
> WITNESS: My name is Susan!
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
> voodoo?
> WITNESS: We both do.
> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
> WITNESS: We do.
> ATTORNEY: You do?
> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
> sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
> WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
> ________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS: Are you sh*ttin' me? Your Honour, I think I need a
> different
> attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death.
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Guess.
> _____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
> deposition
> notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
> dead
> people?
> WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you
> like to rephrase that?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
> to?
> WITNESS: Oral.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
> autopsy on him!
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
> ______________________________________
> And the best for last:
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
> a
> pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
> began the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
> nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
> practicing law.
>
> Have a great weekend (unless you're a lawyer).

[webbo]

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and
> are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
> now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm
> while these exchanges were actually taking place.
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
> ____________________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> WITNESS: I forget.
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
> forgot?
> _____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
> morning?
> WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
> WITNESS: My name is Susan!
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
> voodoo?
> WITNESS: We both do.
> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
> WITNESS: We do.
> ATTORNEY: You do?
> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
> sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
> WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
> ________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS: Are you sh*ttin' me? Your Honour, I think I need a
> different
> attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death.
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Guess.
> _____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
> deposition
> notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
> dead
> people?
> WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you
> like to rephrase that?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
> to?
> WITNESS: Oral.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
> autopsy on him!
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
> ______________________________________
> And the best for last:
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
> a
> pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
> began the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
> nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
> practicing law.
>
> Have a great weekend (unless you're a lawyer).

Loved these 2!



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