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[brother]

You Know You're An American Married To A Greek...

1. At Easter you have ever taken a ride out to a farm and come home with a dead lamb, including its intestines in a bucket.

2. At Easter you have ever lifted the lid to the pot boiling on the stove and seen something looking back at you (head of the lamb).

3. At Easter you have been made fun of because you won't eat the soup.

4. You have ever had to pick-up your in-laws from the airport with more than one car because all their luggage wouldn't fit into one.

5. Your father-in-law has ever tried to negotiate the purchase of a new car for you.

6. You are the only one in church without black hair, and wearing a brown suit.

7. They never give you the hanky and ask you to lead the line at Church dances.

8. The taste of Ouzo makes you ill.

9. You have ever come home from the store with the wrong Feta.

10. You hate the Turks but not sure why.

11. Your in-laws can't understand why you would want to vacation somewhere other than Greece.

12. Half the pictures hanging in your house are religious icons.

13. You have ever been lectured on the importance of olive oil and medicinal effects of lemon.

14. While sitting at the dinner table your in-laws have ever made fun of "hillbilly" Americans all the while they tear apart their bread and dunk it in the "community" salad bowl with their fingers.

15. You have ever been chastised by your in-laws for voting Republican.

16. Your wife's relatives in Greece have ever made fun of your bathing suit, while all the Greek men on the beach walk around with everything hanging out of a thong or Speedo.

17. A Greek Priest has ever called you by your baptismal name in front of your confused biological parents.

18. You have ever had to dry clean your suit after Easter services to remove the wax stains.

19. You have ever wondered if your spouse's grandparents were nymphomaniacs because she/he refers to everyone as Thea or Theo.

20. You have ever wondered what the difference is between an engagement party and a wedding shower.

21. You have ever wondered why your mother-in-law's dinner salads never has any lettuce in them.

22. You have ever wanted to do physical harm to the bouzouki or clarinet player in the band.

23. You have ever had to utter the phrase, "I want the fresh filo, please."

24. While traveling in Greece with your in-laws, they have ever had to explain your behavior by saying, "einai Americanos," or "that's how they do things in America."

25. The first time you heard the chanter in church you thought someone was having a kidney stone attack.