Cyprus-Forum.com

[Pumpy]

Imagine if motorists in Cyprus started to use Sat Navs. Well, I suppose it might give your poor unsuspecting tourist a chance to even up the playing field.

You'd tap in your destination. For example, "Lordos Beach Hotel, Larnaca". You'd then get the little map hone into the viewfinder. Essentially a series of obscure dirt tracks with some tarmac on them and the odd bit of dusty gritted scorched bush, symbolising the pavement.

Then a voice would kick in. The deep, throaty purr of a Cypriot woman fresh from eating a large plate of souvla.

"Keep going for 250 yards. When you reach the junction, honk your horn endlessly for no reason in order to harass the car in front of you so they make a hasty manouvre."

By now you're taking the short cut through the centre of town, and you've reached a roundabout.

"Take the second exit, and don't stop or look right to give way, this will make people think you are homosexual or weak. Keep driving. Keep driving. Keep driving."

If you've managed to make it to Makarios Avenue, by the filth station and the post office, you're doing well. This probably now means you're guarantee has expired so it's shit or bust. You're on you're own:

"When you reach the lights, turn left. If you reach the lights and they are red, ensure you creep forward at a consistent, slow pace, in order to needlessly breach the stop line and cause difficulties for the oncoming traffic. This will save approximately 0.00000000000000000001 seconds from your journey."

You could pay an extra 20 Euros and buy a special edition Cyprus Sat Nav. It would tell you where the best places are to park. I.e. The bit of kerb closest to your point of destination, or the best double-parking spot in the vicinity.

Happy driving, bubbles![/i]

[Smiler Brian]

Love it.

[Hazza]

[ajracing]

sounds almost spot on!

I think there should be 'version 2' to have the following updates:

1) Remind the driver to keep their right arm dangling on the outside of their door, occasionally wafting it about (show me a Cypriot that can talk without their hands!)

2) When eating, drinking and smoking (usually all at once while dangling said arm out of window) - dont forget to discard your rubbish, carefully..... out of the window to ease your journey.

How often have you nearly been fit by the flying can or bottle or had the misfortune of a discarded cigarette landing in your car!