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Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words
back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials of a
few people who did....

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked
loudly, How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned
around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a
word... he knew better.

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several
minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at
the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him
and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety
of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind
the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at
your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I
turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me
forget.

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some
pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after
receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her
that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my
horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this
enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I
mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were
screams of laughter.

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old
son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was
very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled
something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she
was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while,
so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh
Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with
me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No,"
he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell
was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an
accident?" This time he jumped up, yank! ed down his pants, bent over and
spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people
nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his
pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the
best laugh they'd ever had!

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before
she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true
story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to
have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's
that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave
the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

[Hazza]

Oh God, these are so so funny. Brilliant find.

[observer]

Reminds me of a true story when one of mine was little. I went to buy a bottle of drink from a supermarket and popped my son into a trolley to stop him running around. As he was still jumping around, I gave him a couple of coins to play with while I wheeled to the drinks section, and then to the cashier. As she rang up the price, I saw that I just needed a small coin to come up with the exact change. So I took one out of my son's hands, and as I was handing it over, an angry (and very loud) voice shouted "Daddy. Don't buy your drink with my money!"

[zan]

Reminds me of a true story when one of mine was little. I went to buy a bottle of drink from a supermarket and popped my son into a trolley to stop him running around. As he was still jumping around, I gave him a couple of coins to play with while I wheeled to the drinks section, and then to the cashier. As she rang up the price, I saw that I just needed a small coin to come up with the exact change. So I took one out of my son's hands, and as I was handing it over, an angry (and very loud) voice shouted "Daddy. Don't buy your drink with my money!"