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[Shipwreck]

The heaviest element known to science has been discovered.


In early October 2007, a major research institution announced the
discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new
element has been named "Eurotium."

Eurotium (Eu) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy
neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass
of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called
"morons" which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like
particles called "peons".

Since Eu has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected,
because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A
minute amount of Eu causes one reaction to take over four days to
complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Eu has a normal half-life of four years; it does not decay but instead
undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Eurotium's
mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will
cause more morons to become neutrons, forming "isodopes". This
characteristic of moron promotion leads most scientists to believe
that Eu is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical
Morass".

When catalysed with money, Eu becomes "Administratium" (Am) an element
that radiates just as much energy as Eu, since it has half as many
peons but twice as many morons.

[kokorosie]

and true