Cyprus-Forum.com

[Filitsa]

Southerner, you are correct in that women need to act, but often they are helpless without the support of other social institutions. Unfortunately, women have been protesting for centuries to little avail. Instead, they need to remove themselves from the abusive relationship. Most women find this difficult to do without professional help, and many don't have the resources, be they financial or savvy, to seek the help. This addresses the victim, but "it takes two to Tango:" segway the perpetrator. Until the place where we go for legal recourse "steps up to the plate" and starts doling out punishment that fits the crime instead of slapping wrists, not much will change. The court system (but not only) has the capacity to effect change in the perpetrator. In as much as judges should be afforded the discretion to determine sentencing on a case by case basis, mandatory sentencing, including but not limited to counseling, therapy, and education may be the trick to changing the psyche of the perpetrator.

[humanist]

I think it is up the men to challenge other men about their actions, that is when change will occur.

We have become such a victim blame society that we appear to expect victims to do something about it. Is it posssible that the victims feel dismpowered to advocate for themslves, so it up to the rest of the society to challenge idea notions and accepted practices and to say no to violence and other inequalities.

[tessintrnc]

I think you are right Humanist, it is easy to say "the woman should get out and leave" but where do they go? It needs the Men of society, whether its male relatives, neighbours etc to show their disgust, and then maybe things will change. The women too, have to be strong, "once, you are a victim, twice you are a volunteer" is true in many cases but its a big scary step to walk away from your home. in some societies - the man has more rights than the women when it comes to child custody. I know I would have never have been able to leave my children under any circumstances and this too is a problem. The authorities - the police in particular- are not always seen to take domestic violence seriously. My daughter left her boyfriend because he got violent after a few drinks, we reported him to the police but because her face wasnt marked - she "only" had bruising to her arms and legs - they said it wasnt really worth charging him. İts all down to attitude really...........
Tess

[Aquaholic]

Unfortunately physical abuse is usually preceded & accompanied by mental abuse. Often, the abused has, over a period of time, been beaten down mentally until they feel useless & their self esteem is at rock bottom. They are often made to think that the abuse is actually their fault. It's very difficult to get yourself out of this once you're there. The mental abuse is sometimes worse than the physical.

I used to wonder why a woman would go back to an abusive man & couldn't really understand. Since then, I've been there. I have an IQ well above average, am well educated, very financially independant & from a loving family with no history of abuse of any kind. Yet - I was being abused by my partner. At first it was mental abuse, then pushing, pulling, restraining & not letting me out of the house. Eventally, after a year of excusing it because after all, he never actually hit me, & he kept on telling me how much he loved me, he drew blood & I left. I was almost glad he drew blood - I could no longer make excuses for him.

When I look back on it - I became that woman you read about, the abused one who kept stupidly going back. It was a 3 year relationship in total & when I look back the subtle signs started quite early. It took me that long to get out & I am financially independant & there were no kids to worry about. What the hell happend to me?

If it can happen to a woman in my fortunate situation within a society (England) that does openly disapprove of it then it I hate to think the level of guts & bravery that will be needed by other women in the world to get themselves out of their much much worse situations.

Anyway - just wanted to make the point that it's not a simple as "it will last as long as women allow it to last" I used to think that but now I know they need help.

The above isn't a sob story & I don't usually talk about it, it's gone, it's in the past. I have shared it here because I hope that will bring some understanding.

[oranos64]

I THINK THIS IS VERY SAD ...
I see this issue stretching back over the decades and still we have not treated women with equality ...i think the whole cyprus culture needs an injection ... i cannot for one understand how this is going on still .
i agree with southerner the judge is a disgrace ...a recent poll of police officers revealled that some 80% of them didnt even know how to handle domestic abuse nor rape victims ...
i believe cyprus police are excellent but this is a huge issue ... women are not commodities nor are they part of the background
i think men at young ages should be taught how to be men and how to be a family ...this sounds silly but think for a moment ...when and how do we learn to be a family if you yourself are not exposed to ideals of spouse co operation and equality ... this is very difficult to teach ,

i also believe we should bring back hanging ,the birch and get some of them women police officers to do some work ...apparently in cyprus we only have 4 domestic abuse polices officers(women ) .what do other the 700 of them do ..as i never see women police officers in arrsts or on the road ..surely admin clerks can be recruited

i think we also need about 10 female judges and more equality overall ...cyprus is very backwards in allowing women to do things in general

i dont want to stir .. but i teach women martial arts and yet i was told by KOA .. that women are waste of time for me and that they are only their for dancing and girlie things .

i see that this is the case for young women in cyprus and young girls ... very few do anything but dancing and singing ...few are taught worldly knowledge things
i have a set a challenge to change this ... newsflash ,,one of my girls of 11 has won the national kickboxing under 15 challenge today ..TKO ..OF TWO BOYS

LADIES ...YOU ARE MY EQUAL RSVP

[Southerner]

Anyway - just wanted to make the point that it's not a simple as "it will last as long as women allow it to last" I used to think that but now I know they need help.

The above isn't a sob story & I don't usually talk about it, it's gone, it's in the past. I have shared it here because I hope that will bring some understanding.

I don't thik it's a sob story,very often it is fair to say you have to have been there to know.
But you must also be positive and forward thinking, women should get together and work together, I think that you'd be very much surprised just how many men supported you and just how little support these bullies actualy get from men when things come out into the open.