Cyprus-Forum.com

[IcyNoAngel]

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die.
This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today. Anyone who has dealt with an estate will agree with this.

A lady died this past J anuary, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been$0.00, now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.

Here is the exchange:

Family Member: “I am calling to tell you she died in J anuary.”
Citibank: “The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.”

Family Member: “Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.”
Citibank: “Since it is two months past due, it already has been.”

Family Member : So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?”
Citibank: “Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!”

Family Member: “Do you think God will be mad at her?” (I really liked this part!!!!)
Citibank: “Excuse me?”

Family Member: “Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?”
Citibank: “Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.” (Duh!)
Supervisor gets on the phone:Family Member: “I’m calling to tell you, she died in J anuary.”
Citibank: “The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.” (This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)

Family Member: “You mean you want to collect from her estate?”
Citibank: (Stammer) “Are you her lawyer?”

Family Member: “No, I’m her great nephew.” (Lawyer info given)
Citibank: “Could you fax us a certificate of death?”

Family Member: “Sure.” (Fax number is given)

After they get the fax:
Citibank: “Our system just isn’t setup for death. I don’t know what more I can do to help.”

Family Member: “Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don’t think she will care.”
Citibank: “Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.” (What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: “Would you like her new billing address?”
Citibank: “That might help.”

Family Member: ” Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.”
Citibank: “Sir, that’s a cemetery!”

Family Member: “What do you do with dead people on your planet?

(Priceless!!)

[IcyNoAngel]

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

[Radio]

Sadly, this job application isn't true. It was written by Greg Bulmash when he was a student, as a parody of the job application process, and first published in 1997.

[IcyNoAngel]

Ok, I don't mind. It was all about the joke... let's pass over it