Cyprus-Forum.com

[zan]

Here are 12 of the finest double-entendres aired on TV & Radio, some familiar but all the better for being collated into a handy package . .

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

5. US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so much!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday."

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

http://www.lancashire-online.com/archiv ... -5608.html

[Get Real!]

[bigdog]

FUNNY !!

[THE HIGHLANDER]

BRILLIANT ZAN..............10/10 You've got me laughing first thing in morning.............now that is no mean feat as I'm usualy a grumpy bastard!!!!!!!

[cyprusgrump]

BRILLIANT ZAN..............10/10 You've got me laughing first thing in morning.............now that is no mean feat as I'm usualy a grumpy bastard!!!!!!!

Oi! I do grumpy around here!

[Cyprus4MeSoon]

Excellent

Oh Cyprusgrump..I am sure you are a pussycat really!!!

[lisa1986]

lol lovin it!! x

[Smiler Brian]

Talking of entendres....

It is one of the new "shots", made especially for women. Ask the barman for a double entendre, he will give you one!

[devil]

Sorry to disappoint you, but I have OFTEN been likened to Victor Meldrew, only worse. Possibly worse, because he was replaced by a black box and was prematurely retired, while I am 10 years older than retirement age. The grumpiness is measured according to the equation

GR = (S + A - R)^2

where GR is Grumpiness Rating
S is the sex factor (5 for men, 1 for women except mothers-in-law = 10)
A is the real age or retirement age, whichever is the higher
R is the official retirement age

That gives me an official GR of 225: anyone here to beat this?

[zan]

Sorry to disappoint you, but I have OFTEN been likened to Victor Meldrew, only worse. Possibly worse, because he was replaced by a black box and was prematurely retired, while I am 10 years older than retirement age. The grumpiness is measured according to the equation

GR = (S + A - R)^2

where GR is Grumpiness Rating
S is the sex factor (5 for men, 1 for women except mothers-in-law = 10)
A is the real age or retirement age, whichever is the higher
R is the official retirement age

That gives me an official GR of 225: anyone here to beat this?

My mother inlaw has you beat hands down then.
Victoria Meldrew I call her

My MIL asked, "If you don't like me, why do you take me on holidays with you?" I told her, "So I don't have to kiss you good-bye."

I was out shopping the other day when I saw six women beating my MIL up. As I stood there and watched, her neighbor, who knew me, said, "Well, aren't you going to help?" I replied, "No. Six of them is enough".

Two men were in a pub. One says to his mate, "My MIL is an angel." His friend replies, "You're lucky. Mine is still alive."

Q: How do you stop your MIL from drowning?

A: Take your foot off her head.

My MIL asked me, "If you hate me so much, why is my photo on the mantelpiece (the shelf above the open fireplace)?" I told her, "So as to keep the kids away from the fire."

My MIL said to me, "I'll dance on your grave." I said, "I hope you do. I'm being buried at sea."

I always know when it's the mother-in-law knocking at the door – the mice throw themselves in the traps.

The doorbell rang this morning. When I opened the door, there was my mother-in-law on the front step.
She said, "Can I stay here for a few days?"
I said, "Sure you can." And shut the door in her face.

The definition of mixed emotions - seeing your mother-in-law drive over the cliff in your new car.


GOOD OLD LES DAWSON...