Hello John. This is Mike. Remember some years ago that you punched me and broke my tooth? Well then of course I had to bring my dad to rape your mother and sister and steal half of your belongings. I hope you learned your lesson.
The reason I contact you today after refusing to talk to you for so much time is that today I woke up and I suddenly decided that I want to be your friend. Of course it goes without saying that you will take me with you to this new club you just joined so I can take lots of money and buy a ton of new things!!
I see you managed to recover after I stole from you all those things. Unfortunately, I didn’t do very well. I was unemployed; nobody wanted to hire a thief. So now we will be friends you will have to give me part of your salary until I am as rich as you are. Oh, and I forgot my bike to your house, I will need you to pay me rent for all this time you were keeping it without my permission.
However, you know what? I will give you some of your belongings back!!! Yes, you should be really happy! All you have to do, is sign this contract that says that everything else that I stole from you is now legally mine.
In addition, you will have to take my permission for whatever you do from now on. Thats what good friends are for, right?