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[fanourıo]

I SAW IT I READ IT I LIKED IT I QUOTE IT!!
From Cyprus Mail
Tales from the coffeeshop
By Patroclos

WE ARE deeply concerned about the mental health of Le Grand Ethnarque, because he has displayed some very worrying symptoms recently – a positive mind-set and a generosity of spirit – symptoms that had never afflicted him before in his long and distinguished career.

This is not Tassos the Terrible we know and love, the man who has taught us all always to look on the dark side of life, always to focus on the negative points, always to show bad faith and never to trust Turks, Brits, Americans, Finns, UN officials and secondary school teachers. All of a sudden, he is showing some signs of faith in humanity, while a few days ago, he referred to Talat in a way that could have been misinterpreted as verging on the respectful. There are now fears that he might live up to the title of Le Roi Soleil.

What is wrong with him? Has he been under a lot of stress, has he had a change of medication, has someone at the palazzo been spiking his skettos with powerful anti-depressants or was he kidnapped by CIA agents and given a brain transplant while on a trip abroad? For the sake of accuracy, we would like to point out that we do not know how he drinks his coffee, but guessed skettos as it goes with his sugar-free former personality.

Doctors we contacted told us not to worry, as he was showing the symptoms of an acute form of electionits – a psychological disease caused by the imminence of elections in which the patient’s future is at stake. They predicted that the symptoms would become more acute and obvious as elections approach, but the day after, lose or win, he would be completely cured.

In the meantime, doctors advised, he should drink a lot of fluids, eat a lot of vegetables and get plenty of sleep.

THE ELECTIONITIS caused a little embarrassment for the government last week, as ministers, unaware of their boss’s problems, adhered to the trademark negative style, giving the impression that they were contradicting him.

On Monday and Tuesday, reliable government sources were telling hacks that efforts to set up technical committees had collapsed, a claim confirmed on Tuesday by a dejected foreign minister, Yiorgos Lillikas, who expressed bitter disappointment that the Turks had shattered any hopes of progress.

“Any hopes and expectations created in the last few days, particularly after the submission of our last compromise proposal, were dashed yesterday with the refusal of the Turkish Cypriot side to agree so that the Agreement could be immediately enforced,” lamented Lillikas, on Tuesday, honouring the July 8 agreement by which both sides undertook to avoid the ‘blame game’.

Of course, on the same day he blamed the Turkish side for the collapse of the talks, Lillikas announced that “we will avoid entering a public blame game.”

A FEW HOURS later, the Ethnarch issued a written statement, saying there had been “positive developments” (and he was not referring to the collapse of the talks) as “problems plaguing the talks [on agreeing the procedure for implementing the July 8 agreement] have been successfully dealt with.” He explained: “There has been agreement over which technical committees and working groups would be set up and what they would discuss.”

His positive rhetoric craze did not end there, as he also expressed the conviction that “the start of the procedure of the July 8 agreement could soon bear fruit and create the dynamic for the solution of the Cyprus problem.” There was more. “We do not desire to engage in the blame game.”

This was Tuesday. The disease had obviously struck in the early hours of Tuesday because on Monday he had been his normal self. “It is now obvious that the non-start of the talks is the result of the failure of the other side to respond to our proposals,” he said.

THE VOLTE FACE also confused Mehmet Ali, who happily took on the role of the negativity peddler at a news conference held on Tuesday to announce that nothing had been agreed and to accuse our man of “distorting the truth”. Ankara’s crafty puppet went a step further, by calling for a meeting with le Grand Ethnarque, so they could establish what had been agreed.

After all, the July 8 deal said the two leaders would meet once there had been agreement on the procedure. Our man trumped Mehmet Ali, by saying there should be a meeting, but after a week of technical committee talks. Cornered, Talat said he wanted time to re-appraise the technical committee business and possibly abandon it.

How ironic that just when our leader turned positive Talat turned negative. Thank Allah for the Turks’ intransigence because there was a danger that Tassos’ newly-discovered good will and desire for a solution could have, inadvertently, led to a new peace initiative that nobody really wants.

ON A MORE positive note, Talat appears to have acquired a sense of humour and has seized the opportunity to take the piss out of our side. Commenting on the fact that Lillikas’ and Tassos’ statements were contradicting each other about the talks, he said: “Believe me, tomorrow Pashiardis will come out and explain that these statements are in harmony.”

Pashiardis proved Talat wrong, by implying that Lillikas had got things wrong. There was no collapse or deadlock, but “a serious complication in efforts to get the technical committees and working groups going”, he said. Then, as if to prove that electionitis is contagious, he said “we hope this complication will be overcome very soon”.

THE TRAGEDY is that stalled process is delaying the Middle East peace deal, because it is preventing Lillikas from pursuing the government’s initiative to solve the problems of the region. After meeting the Fatah representative in Cyprus, Lillikas said the government intended to undertake a Middle East initiative, but did not give a date. Having played a leading role in the resolution of the crisis in the Lebanon last summer, Lillikas feels confident he can now bring peace to the Middle East.

THE GOVERNMENT is pursuing the strengthening of relations with France with a determination bordering on religious zeal. After the signing of the much-trumpeted defence agreement, last month, it has taken another step towards bringing France closer to us. According to press reports, the decision for our Eurovision song to be in French this year was taken at “government level”. Diplomatic sources inform us that Washington and London were not very pleased. It’s a relief the song was chosen before our Ethnarch fell ill, because the way he is behaving now, he may have suggested we went to Eurovision with a Turkish song.

AFTER a very long absence from the limelight, Nei Orizontes bash-patriot Christos Clerides made a return by appearing on the Kareklas classroom show on Thursday. Clerides made his name as a leading campaigner against the A-plan and was one of the people assuring us that on entering the EU we would secure a European solution which would be much more favourable to us.

Three years later, the European solution has been exposed as a big joke, while Clerides’ calls to people to file recourses against Turkey at the European Court of Human Rights has also backfired, with the Court ordering the setting up of the compensation committee in the north. Of course, this did not stop his law office making very respectable amounts of money for filing recourses on behalf of refugees.

Honouring his party’s proud tradition for selling false hope, Clerides came up with some great suggestions during the show on how Cyprus should proceed. First we should put pressure on the Brits, by demanding they leave the bases – he was certain this would change Britain’s policy on Cyprus, as he had studied in the UK and knew exactly how Brits behaved.

He praised the defence agreement with France, as it had significantly strengthened our position, but demanded that it be taken further. How? He called for joint military exercises, saying we should not be content with just military exercises on paper.

First Nei Orizontes told us Kyrenia would be liberated with the European solution, but it was not, so now they are pinning their hopes on the Franco-Cypriot armed forces doing this. Why France would want to be involved in joint military exercises with a tin-pot country like Cyprus, Clerides could not say, as he had not studied in France.
Maybe it is because we chose a French song for the Eurovision contest.

LE DAUPHIN (hope this will impress our military allies) Nicholas Tassou has been penning quite a few newspaper articles recently, even though there is not great variety in the contents or views. He usually attacks the critics of his father, in particular the DISY Fuhrer, whom he invariably accuses of being on the side of the Turks.

“He [Nick] never finds a single word to say against those who are really to blame for the non-settlement of the Cyprus problem,” lamented le Dauphin last month and added: “Tassos Papadopoulos is to blame for everything. Not Turkey, not her intransigence and certainly not the occupation.” This was written before his father’s pledge not to engage in the blame game.

Last weekend le Dauphin wrote in defence of the fascist youths who were demonstrating in Ledra Street, under the headline, “Looking for fascists? Look across”. He wrote: “Some of our own people insist on discovering and opposing fascism only on the Greek Cypriot side… If some really wanted to see the face of fascism, all they have to do is look across.”

His argument is a bit simplistic for such an intelligent young man. Should we ignore Greek Cypriot fascists because the Turkish fascists are much worse? Anyway, the conclusion is extremely similar to the above-mentioned article. “They must stop shouting only against the President of the Republic and start opposing the real fascism which reigns on this island. Across.”

My friendly advice to Nicholas is to try writing something different because the message of his articles, which can be summarised in a few words – don’t criticise Tassos, criticise the Turks because they are to blame - is getting a bit monotonous.

AFTER the revelations about the surveillance of telephone conversations by CyTA employees, the Council of Ministers appointed two lawyers to carry out an investigation. You would have expected them to know the basics about computer technology in order to perform their task with a degree of competence, but they did not as a report in Alithia suggested.

At one of the news conferences held, one of the investigators, Savvas Matsas was asked if there had been an investigation of the CyTA server. Matsas replied: “Who is he?” Then he said “where can I find him,” but did not understand what he was being told and followed up with another question “Can you spell his name?”

SOME BUSINESSMEN come up with great names for their companies. One of the best was The Happy Bird, a shop which sold hunting equipment including shotguns, cartridges, boots etc. But I think a cabaret owner in Lakatamia has bettered it. His sleaze den is called Sodoma Nightclub. It does not leave much to the imagination. No man could ever tell his wife he had gone there by mistake, not knowing what he would find.

[fanourıo]

This at least proves one of my many points about Papadopoullos....or should it be papadopellos - papadelipoullos or papadotrellos?

[fanourıo]

or even Puppetopoullos?

[free_cyprus]

99.9% of all cypriots are mentally ill. they have a desease called being greek and turkish..............

[fanourıo]

agreed
Nicos Rolandis ex foreign affairs minister of the Greek Cypriot administration describes his lunch with president Talat on the 14th of March.
I truly enjoyed reading the experience and i quote it here for you.
" IT WAS the second time that the Turkish Cypriot leader Mehmet Ali Talat invited me for lunch. The first time was in August 2005. Mr Talat knows that I have been engrossed in the Cyprus problem for more than thirty years. He knows that I have been a moderate and a realistic politician; that I have held public offices, which allowed me over the years to have access to some of the world leaders who formulate and shape international affairs. He knows also (something which many Greek Cypriots acknowledge today) that if the ideas I pursued 25 years ago were accepted, we would not be faced with the Cyprus problem today.
We had lunch together on March 14. Mr Talat is a moderate, the way he was when I first met him 15 years ago. “Moderate” does not mean that he necessarily agrees with us on all issues. He is the leader of the Turkish Cypriots, and it is natural that he would promote the interests of his own community. This planet is full of conflicts of interest, large and small, similar to the ones we encounter in Cyprus. The art of life is to possess the talent and the tenacity to find solutions and to survive. To target what is feasible. This is the art of life. War and conflict is the art of death.
I have written many times in the past that our side in recent years has not followed the path of reconciliation and survival. It has followed a collision course. It has entangled our problem in myriad points of controversy. This is particularly regrettable because today, on the opposite side, there is more moderation than ever before. Mr Christofias complained recently that “since we acceded to the European Union, Europe has been trampling on the resolutions of the Security Council.” Is that so?
The European Union has supported unanimous Security Council Resolution 1475, which adopted the Annan plan. Mr Christofias trampled upon the above resolution and upon the Annan plan, despite his initial eulogies and his commitment to cement the plan. So, who is trampling upon the resolutions?
Mr Christofias should also bear in mind that if we continue our contemptuous attitude towards the Security Council, the United Nations may lose their patience and unload on us at the end of the day something similar to the UN’s Ahtisaari Plan for Kosovo, which will cement partition.
I asked Mr Talat initially about Christakis, the young boy who went missing in 1974. He told me that he would like to help if he could. As the young boy was taken alive to Ankara according to available evidence, he has sent a massage and he is expecting an answer. He added that if Christakis is alive he must have learnt about the whole matter as a result of the wide publicity. Does he keep any memories of those tender years? If he is alive and he remembers, does he wish to respond?
In regard to Cyprus, Mr Talat’s assessment is that things are getting worse day by day. He reads my articles and he agrees that a solution might be feasible, without a long delay, through a face-to-face dialogue between the leaders of the two communities, under the auspices of the United Nation. The new Secretary-general Ban Ki-Moon might prepare a plan on the basis of Security Council Resolutions of 1985, 1992 and 2002. It is to be understood that a lot of moderation, flexibility, acceptance of the sins of the past by both sides and a result-oriented spirit will be a prerequisite.
He fears that the Agreement of July 8, 2006 is simply another way of procrastinating. Nothing, not even the preliminaries, have been agreed. The Tzionis-Pertev meetings have not bridged the gap, they have widened it. He indicated, incidentally, that when the Annan plan was submitted, Mr Papadopoulos promised Kofi Annan that he would accept it. Later on, Christofias said he would accept it subject to minor amendments. Eventually, in the framework of the July 8 agreement, hundreds of points have been raised for the technical committees and the working groups. It is a complete vicious circle. He also said that President Papadopoulos does not accept the “political equality” which had been accepted by both sides in the 1980s.
But the most alarming element, Mr Talat said, is that the attitude of the Turkish Cypriots is gradually changing. In the wake of the 2004 referendum, many Turkish Cypriots now believe that the Greek Cypriots do not want them – so where are the pillars which will support the common country? “I have been elected,” he said “with a mandate until the year 2010, to work and reunite the country – this is what I will try to do.”
Last time, I found Mr Talat more sanguine. This time, I thought he did not have an optimistic disposition. We shall meet again soon to talk about Cyprus.
So which is the destination to which Cyprus, “the land of love and dream” (as the song goes), sails? Will she be left alone with her dreams? Without love, rife with conflict? Will she remain the only European country, which carries on her shoulders the weight of another “state’? A “state” which all our European partners (with the exception of Greece) have tried and managed to upgrade in a substantive way? Shall we be the lone riders in Europe? It appears that this is the conclusion of Mr Christofias too.
However, nobody on the government side wishes to delve into this subject. Nobody wishes to open his eyes and see the truth – that neither Europe nor the world community trust us any more. Very few people outside Cyprus believe that we wish to resolve the Cyprus problem. Everybody’s impression is that we feel well the way we are. And they consider that the political handling of our affairs in Brussels is a joke.
This predicament of ours must be the object of serious reflection by all of us, Greek Cypriots and Turkish Cypriots. Because our common country, the way we crippled it back in 1963 and in 1974 and the way we run its national affairs today, is tantamount to a political Quasimodo. Beaten up and trampled upon, as Mr Christofias put it.
The message of the European Union and of the international community is very clear: we must work seriously and without any delay to resolve the problem of Cyprus, to get rid of the occupation and to ward off the solidification of partition. Partition, which is already within the walls, while we are preoccupied with the “good preparation” and the “depth of time”.
Will we ever wake up?

[zan]

Thanks Fanour, I havent laughed like that for ages. What a great piece.

[pitsilos]

Tales from the coffeeshop

this as far as i got was when i stopped reading

i said it before and i will say it again, an opinion is like an asshole and every body is got one

[zan]

Tales from the coffeeshop

this as far as i got was when i stopped reading

i said it before and i will say it again, an opinion is like an asshole and every body is got one

It seems in Cyprus we have some with more than one Pits.

[pitsilos]

well i did say everybody

[Pyrpolizer]

Why doesn't Rolandis come here to tell all his nonsense and get real answers?

Fanouraki I contempt those who monologue. Both you and Rolandis who is the biggest crook in Cyprus.