Cyprus-Forum.com

[Kikapu]

Joderv1,

I had you on my mind today, so I thought I would pose you a question or two, that you may not find it too comfortable answering. I'm really not trying to piss VP off, but it is important to understand, why some cultures act the way they do. Some of our "backward" thinking people are very strict about what I'm about to ask you.

1. Did you convert to Islam, when you got married.?

2. Were you asked to perform the "virginity test"and I do not mean, by a doctor. Most TC's and Turks know what I'm talking about.

If the above two were not done, then there was never going to be any chance, that any 15th century mental retard parents, were ever going to accept you, into their family. Of course, if you had a lot of money to give them, they would have been more than willing to be "bribed".

[Pyrpolizer]

Kikapu about #2

These things are of the past my friend, perhaps the time our mothers got married. I assume you refer to calling the inlaws to see the blood on the sheet when the couple sleeps together for first time. Hey imagine during my grannys days they would even hang the sheets outside the window for the villages to see that the bride was a virgin

Today most young women lose their virginity before getting married. They usually marry the first or second boyfriend with whom they have full sexual relation.

Some things however stayed the same as in the old times. Parents worry about having their children "well married", build houses for the daughters etc. I have a Tc friend he has 2 daughters his biggest "derti" is they are near their 30s and they are both unmarried. However they are both university graduates, they are well looking, he also bought them appartments in north Nicosia etc, yet they hven't found a "suitable husband" yet. Exactly the same "derti" goes for GC parents.

About #1 I can only answer for the GCs. Very few convert, most people today are not relegious anyway, so they get civil marriage.

[Kikapu]

Kikapu about #2

These things are of the past my friend, perhaps the time our mothers got married. I assume you refer to calling the inlaws to see the blood on the sheet when the couple sleeps together for first time. Hey imagine during my grannys days they would even hang the sheets outside the window for the villages to see that the bride was a virgin

Today most young women lose their virginity before getting married. They usually marry the first or second boyfriend with whom they have full sexual relation.

Some things however stayed the same as in the old times. Parents worry about having their children "well married", build houses for the daughters etc. I have a Tc friend he has 2 daughters his biggest "derti" is they are near their 30s and they are both unmarried. However they are both university graduates, they are well looking, he also bought them appartments in north Nicosia etc, yet they hven't found a "suitable husband" yet. Exactly the same "derti" goes for GC parents.

About #1 I can only answer for the GCs. Very few convert, most people today are not relegious anyway, so they get civil marriage.

You got it correct on No. 2.

I agree with you Dr. Pyro, (By the way, do you mind if I call you that . It applies to someone who really is not a Doctor, but someone people respect.) but you will be surprised that there are people still out there, which I call the "15th century mentality" that still do this. Part of not accepting this lady into the family, could be, because she was not a virgin, when she got married to their son. And by the way, she could have been a virgin when she met the "future husband" and "consummated the marriage" before they got married, but would not matter to the parents.

On No. 1, I have seen it happen, still fairly recently. "Joderv1" was married 13 years ago, so it is possible, it was asked of her.

[joderv1]

Joderv1,

I had you on my mind today, so I thought I would pose you a question or two, that you may not find it too comfortable answering. I'm really not trying to piss VP off, but it is important to understand, why some cultures act the way they do. Some of our "backward" thinking people are very strict about what I'm about to ask you.

1. Did you convert to Islam, when you got married.?

2. Were you asked to perform the "virginity test"and I do not mean, by a doctor. Most TC's and Turks know what I'm talking about.

If the above two were not done, then there was never going to be any chance, that any 15th century mental retard parents, were ever going to accept you, into their family. Of course, if you had a lot of money to give them, they would have been more than willing to be "bribed".

Hi Kikapu,

I really laughed when I read your questions to me and I am not uncomfortable answering. I have been honest up to this point.

Now not sure how you will take this but I met my husband in England. He left Cyprus when he was 18 and met me soon after. He told them about me and they asked him to choose them or me. He chose me. We have been together 13 years, but only married for 3 of those 13 and we had a child before marriage too.

No, I did not convert to Islam and there was a mention I do (not to my face though), but my husband never asked and to be honest they are hardly preaching muslims themselves i.e. fasting, praying 5 times a day etc.

No, there was no test. LOL.

Believe me they are not as strict as some Muslims, but they believe that their son should have married a Turkish Cypriot. As far as I know that is what it boils down to.

Jo

[Pyrpolizer]

Kikapu about #2

These things are of the past my friend, perhaps the time our mothers got married. I assume you refer to calling the inlaws to see the blood on the sheet when the couple sleeps together for first time. Hey imagine during my grannys days they would even hang the sheets outside the window for the villages to see that the bride was a virgin

Today most young women lose their virginity before getting married. They usually marry the first or second boyfriend with whom they have full sexual relation.

Some things however stayed the same as in the old times. Parents worry about having their children "well married", build houses for the daughters etc. I have a Tc friend he has 2 daughters his biggest "derti" is they are near their 30s and they are both unmarried. However they are both university graduates, they are well looking, he also bought them appartments in north Nicosia etc, yet they hven't found a "suitable husband" yet. Exactly the same "derti" goes for GC parents.

About #1 I can only answer for the GCs. Very few convert, most people today are not relegious anyway, so they get civil marriage.

You got it correct on No. 2.

I agree with you Dr. Pyro, (By the way, do you mind if I call you that . It applies to someone who really is not a Doctor, but someone people respect.) but you will be surprised that there are people still out there, which I call the "15th century mentality" that still do this. Part of not accepting this lady into the family, could be, because she was not a virgin, when she got married to their son. And by the way, she could have been a virgin when she met the "future husband" and "consummated the marriage" before they got married, but would not matter to the parents.

On No. 1, I have seen it happen, still fairly recently. "Joderv1" was married 13 years ago, so it is possible, it was asked of her.

The respect is mutual Kikapu, but if we use the Dr title on each one we respect in here that wouldn't be nice. So lets stick to our usual nicks.

Hey Kikapu are you sure what you said is still valid among the TCs? Well i never really asked any TC friend about it, but one of the first things that strikes me from my experiences in the northern part of our country, is that I see too many young TC couples in love, who french kiss each other publicly in cafes, restaurants, in cars, everywhere.I hardly ever saw a GC couple doing that publicly but I know most GC girls above the age of 22 are not virgins.

Perhaps a TC living in Cyprus can enlighten us...Shaaah where are you when we need you?

Now about foreign women I am really surprised from the case of Joderv because British brides are very well respected and accepted among GC mothers in law. (perhaps she was just unlucky I think) However American brides are totally rejected. See GC mothers watch what happens around.9/10 marriages with american brides end to divorce. The Americans can't adapt to cypriot culture. But British brides feel like home they adapt very easily.

Hey I have no idea about Swiss brides though.

[Pyrpolizer]

Woops until I posted jo has answered.

Jo can I also ask you a question? I am sure you met other British persons who got married with TCs. So far you said "some" were well accepted "some" not.
Could you please quantify this "some"? I mean is it 9/10, is it 1/10, what?

[joderv1]

Hi Pyrpolizer,

It was mentioned when I confronted my mother in law a few years ago why she had a problem with me. It was stated that she did 'not want her son to get divorced'. I stated back that how did she know that if he had married a Turkish Cypriot woman he would not get divorced.

I love him, he loves me, we have two beautiful children and are happy. What else do they want for their son? I am not the devil, because I am Maltese (no Malteser jokes) and British.

Jo

[zan]

Hi Pyrpolizer,

It was mentioned when I confronted my mother in law a few years ago why she had a problem with me. It was stated that she did 'not want her son to get divorced'. I stated back that how did she know that if he had married a Turkish Cypriot woman he would not get divorced.

I love him, he loves me, we have two beautiful children and are happy. What else do they want for their son? I am not the devil, because I am Maltese (no Malteser jokes) and British.

Jo

Hi joderv1

I am a TC married to an English woman and I would not swap her for the world. In fact she is my second English wife and this time I picked the right person not a nationality. What your in-laws think does not matter to you and your husband. You have to appreciate the way they feel and understand they are a product of their time and consequence. My parents and in particular my eldest sister gave me a hard time when I said I was getting married the first time and they felt they were right when it all fell apart. My sister gave me the hardest time the second time round and we nearly fell out over it but she knew that I would do what I wanted in the end so she backed off a bit. In the mean time both her children that got married to TCs have divorced. Her son has now married a lovely English girl and they have a child and her daughter has lived alone with her son for over ten years now. Be happy in your relationship and respectful to your in-laws (god knows I know how hard that can be) and they will come around in the end. If they don't it is their problem and not yours. When you get bad Cypriot in-laws they can be the worst in-laws in the world. Stubborn as mules.

[BirKibrisli]

These things are of the past my friend, perhaps the time our mothers got married. I assume you refer to calling the inlaws to see the blood on the sheet when the couple sleeps together for first time. Hey imagine during my grannys days they would even hang the sheets outside the window for the villages to see that the bride was a virgin

And many an innocent chicken were brutally slaughtered to make those sheets look good...

[miltiades]

Yeah Kikapu work it as much as you can man.
Don't smoke and don't drink and it will work even after you die.

Thanatos, thanatos eftyhismeeeenos
na pethanis, na pethanis kav...os

(Death, happy death is
to die, to die while you are ere..ed





NB. I made the mistake of smoking, damn it.

51 years old, never smoked in my life. Not very common for a TC Cypriot.

Smoked 2 joints (only) when I first went to the States in 79', and never since.

Drinking Red wine....I'm guilty Your Honour

Not on any medication or vitamins, what so ever. Just good solid Cypriot food, home made of course, by myself.

What no mobile Kikapu !